Monday, August 3, 2009

Hospital part deux

Hello Lovelies!

I'm back...did ya miss me?? even if you didn't...tell me ya did because I missed you!

Well...I am back in the hospital due to another stupid infection. Boo....

I had a few letters I needed to write regarding my current hospital stay. Tell me what ya think:)


Dear Lovely Judith (roomate numero uno)-

When they first wheeled me up to the room and was confronted with the fact that I was not getting a private room and once again would have a roommate , I was crestfallen. I couldn't see you at this time because of the curtain being closed so I stealthy whispered an inquiry to the nurse as to whether you had to use a bedside commode. I was thrilled when the answer was
"no sweetheart she doesn't" followed by a stifled laugh and I was a happy camper again.

After sharing a room for a day I started to pick up on your "classy lady" vocabulary like when you said to the nurse " I voided three times today" when she asked "How many times did you urinate today". Voided instead of pee'd... very classy. I also found it interesting that you used the word " stool" instead of shit or poop. My favorite was when you informed the doctor that you have been expelling gas...i thought that was just too cute.

I also want to tell you that I appreciated that you were quiet and your visitors were very respectful and I really loved the fact that you took them down to the garden area to do your seriously rocked!!

So why did you have to go????

Please come back...I now have Mary and she doesn't use these cute words and have nice manners.

I miss you Judith


Lady Jane

Dear Roommate #2 ( Mary)
I had high hopes for you..... **sigh**

When the nurses aide informed me that I was going to be getting a new roommate I immediately asked "Does she have to use a bedside commode?" and I almost wept with joy when she said "No she doesn't have those types of issues. She is around her late 40's and is having kidney type pain"

So you see I was feeling good about you.

When you were brought in on the stretcher and you where making all sorts of howling noises due to pain... I was feeling empathy towards you. When you were flashing me your goodies, I thought to myself ...(Self - she just isn't used to wearing the hospital gowns and due to the pain she isn't thinking about closing her legs.)

See Mary, I get it!

And let me tell you I thought you were the cats meow when the nurses aide brought in a bedside commode for you because she thought it would help since you were short of breath and in a lot of pain AND you said that there was no reason to have one because you can walk just fine. I loved it and you!!!! So imagine my surprise and horror when I started hearing what sounded like rain hitting inside an empty bucket!

Oh no...I knew exactly what that sound were VOIDING ( in the words of the great lady Judith)!!!!


I thought you said there was no reason to have one?! I thought you said you can walk just fine?!
I tried to be calm and told myself that maybe, just maybe you were having lots of difficulty breathing and you were having the worst pain of your life and there was no way you could have made it to the bathroom....but then soon after your little commode session I heard ya dialing up Cathy ( or whatever her name is) and started talking without gasping for breath and without screaming out for someone to put you out of your misery. were calling to check on your doggies.

Some might say I should be relieved it wasn't stools being left and you were just voiding, but even voiding smells really bad....very bad.

(picture of Mary's commode...under the window)

You know what bothered me the most? It was that after you voided in the commode you NEVER EVER called anyone to come in and flush it down the toilet! You just let it sit in there until the next time you voided and then you just added to it and just kept doing it until I assume the bucket was full. One word for ya Mary ....GROSS! You are gross!

I do have a question for you. Remember that time when your fiancee' was visiting and during your conversation you decided to use the commode and I heard him ask you "Do you not use toilet paper with that thing?" what did you reply? I couldn't hear you. All I know is that got me to thinking that I never heard you rip off toilet paper when you used the commode. I kept thinking about this, so when you went to get your cat scan I pulled back the curtains and scanned your side of the room for the elusive toilet paper and guess what? I didn't see ANY!

Please explain this to me.

I also know that you have never requested any toilet paper because I have been in here the entire time. So what are you using? Please tell me you are using something and just not drip drying...I just don't think I could handle that.


Lady Jane

Dear. Ashley ( my favorite nurses aide)

Ashley, I think you are fantastico!! You are brilliant and such a sly, sly woman. When you came to change Mary's bedding while she was out and exclaimed that it was "not right" that she had a bucket full of pee and also had the lid up for it to smell up the room, that was awesome. I jumped on that bandwagon as quick as I could.

When you came an hour later with some homemade air freshener to set around my room...I wanted to jump out of my bed and run and hug you! I think my unending thank yous got my point across pretty well though.

(picture of the homemade air freshener...see the cup of liquid behind the hat)

My favorite part though was when you had your talk with her about making sure she tells someone when she has used the commode because it is unsanitary and encouraged her to get up and walk to the bathroom because it would be good for her. YAY!!!!!!!

I will end this letter saying you will make a rockin' registered nurse:)

Your Loyal Patient,

Lady Jane
Signing off from her sugar cookie smelling room


  1. A) Missed you.

    B) I really need to get into the hospital... I would have the best TMITs ever!!!

  2. Having had horrible hospital mates, I totally emphasize with you. Although, I must admit the peeing in the bucket BEATS the cursing/smoking hacking chick in the bed next to me.

    You're a much better person than me. I would have complained about the smelly pee ASAP....


  3. Oh, hon, I feel for you. How truly awful. But I love your letters...I think it is great that you are venting through your is like you are talking to these people in the way that a classy patient like Judith would! :) Good luck...hope you get outta there soon!

  4. ARghhhhhhhh....I can't stand that you have to go through this. These women are so horrible and disgusting! Is the hospital Punking you?

    You really should send a note to the hospital big wigs about Ashley. People like that need to be recognized!

  5. Oh no! I can't believe you are BACK in the hospital! Note to self: I will NOT fall on my drunken ass like Lady Jane and end up in the hospital. Unfortunately my drunk ass will not remember I made this note to self... Damn alcohol.

    Get better soon please! We miss you around here!

  6. Oh man. Horrendous and hilarious. Doesn't it make you wonder what sort of people are out there when you only get to experience a few in hospital and 75% of them are WEIRDOS?

  7. Um, so you totally need to get that leg healthy. It is unfair that your summer has been filled with commodes and other unmentionables.


  8. I can't believe your summer break has been spent in the hospital. You totally deserve a second chance at summer...maybe your principal would agree? These letters are priceless. You should send them!

  9. First off, missed you terribly !!
    Second of all, I'm glad things were better this time around in the hospital .. 2 out of 3, better, right ?! Let's hope your leg is totally healthy and infection free :)

    Take care of yourself, I think of you often !

  10. You are so funny... missed your witty posts! Hope you are feeling better! I think you should send off these letters... it may do their roomates good if they are back in the hospital again!

  11. Oh noooo, not the hospital and more commodes! So sorry to hear you're back there! Hope it's a quick stay!

  12. those letters are perfect! i've missed you and the way you brighten my days :)

    hope you're up, around, and out of the hospital soon.


  13. I did miss you, and you also almost made me puke with the second letter. GROSS.

  14. Oh man! A summer in the hospital. I can sympathize with you, I spent xmas in the hospital 2 years ago...suuuucks.

    Not sure how it works in the States, but in TO certain hospitals send you a questionaire about the care you recieved, so make sure you comment on amazing Ashley. If not, definitly send a note to the big wig at the hospital.

    U seem kinda acident prone lol I hope u get free health care soon so it doesn't eat a chunk outta ur wallett :)

  15. I missed you! I'm glad you're better and don't have to smell sh*t sitting in the toilet anymore!!!

  16. I am so glad you are alive! I was really beginning to get worried about you. I know that sounds funny, me not knowing you and all but I was/am seriously concerned for your health. I Hope your infection clears up and stays far far away.

  17. glad to see that you are doing better and back in blogging action!

  18. I'm sorry you're in the hospital again :( I hope your leg gets better.

  19. You poor thing, I'm so sorry you're in the hospital again, and even more so that you're not in a private room!

  20. I'm sorry you are back in the hospital but that posts that result because of your stay are a freaking mazing. Seriously good stuff.

    No more hospital trips though. No more.

  21. Awww, I love Judith! And Ashley, we'll all put in recommendations for her if she ever needs them, what a gal!

    Lady Jane, I certainly hope you heal quickly and aren't subjected to any more commode utilizing people.

  22. I hope you get out of there soon! Some people . . .

  23. All right, missy. What's with the hospital return, hmmmm? Enough of that, already! Get yourself well. (P.S. I've missed you bunches).

  24. you poor thing, you are having such a bad time with everything!! I'm so glad you have a sense of humor about it all:)

  25. brilliant. i know it's painful for you but i an really digging your roomie chronicles.

  26. Okay missy, are you alright?? I need an update!

    Thinking of you and missing your stories!

  27. Just found your blog -- sorry for the hospital adventure. Feel better.

  28. How truly awful. But I love your letters...I think it is great that you are venting through your is like you are talking to these people in the way that a classy patient like Judith would! :) Good luck...hope you get outta there soon!
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  29. Haven't heard from you in a while... I hope you're ok. I miss your stories. Come back soon!

  30. Where are you???? I am worried about you!

  31. Dearest Lady Jane,

    You've been missing for well over a month now. ARE YOU OK? I wanted to email you but I don't have your address, so I guess this will have to do. I hope everything is alright because it is VERY uncharacteristic for you to be gone so long! COME BACK!


  32. Certainly someone who knows Lady Jane in real life looks at her blogs and can leave a comment telling us if she's okay.

    I can't help but think perhaps something really horrible has happened.

    Someone, give an update!

  33. DUDE! Where the eff are you?? We are having some major withdrawals here. It's not pretty. Let us know if you're ok! Kthxbai.

  34. Still missing you! Hope things are going well... that's what happens when I don't write. Hope you update soon :)

  35. Lady Jane...where are you? I miss you and your stories. Did I do something wrong? Was it something I said? Please come back.

  36. Whatever happened to Lady Jane?????? xx

  37. Lady Jane,

    We're all worried about you. Can someone please let us know if she is alright?

    Best- TH:

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