The engagement/elopement/I don't know

YAY!

It made me so happy to get all the comments about what people wanted to hear about! Oh how I have missed you guys:)

As you can probably guess the whole engagement/elopement won out as the first "comeback" post.

I just have to say one thing before i get to the storytelling. I have to come clean.

I am a procrastinator.



I know...you probably already knew that and if I look into past posts - I am sure I mentioned it.

However, I just had to say it again. So often I put off doing a post because I am not feeling my "creativity." I always think I have to be witty or have cute pics to go with the post and by me putting this pressure on myself to be creative often to ends up me not blogging for long periods of time.

So you know what? I'm done with that. You are going to have to take me as I am even on my crappiest of creative days.



What I am getting at is that today is one of those days...actually the last few days have been that and I didn't want to put this off any longer waiting for just that "right time".

So your just going to have to deal with it!



(actually, you are probably saying to yourself "IF those past posts were creative, then I hate to see what this one is going to be!")

and you are probably right!



Anyways......

on to the story!!

OK.... The Duke and I have been talking marriage for quite some time and would say things like "when we get settled in our jobs, we will get engaged"

or

"when we are more financially secure, we will get engaged",

or


"the holidays are always a great time to get engaged."

But you know as well as we know that there is never that "perfect"time. So a couple of weeks ago we were out to eat and we started talking about when it would be a good time to get engaged and then we realized that at this rate we were NEVER going to get married!! So after some drinks we were like " Hey lets just go get married!!" and you know what? We basically did just that!

The next day The Duke called up the courthouse to talk to them about getting married there that day. (yes, romantic..I know:)

But I didn't know he was going to call. We didn't make very specific plans the night before - we were just like "YEAH!" lets do it!"

Anyways, Duke calls me at work and tells me to come home....not sure why...I came home.



Duke tells me that he set it all up!! We can go get married at the courthouse that day!!



You could have knocked me over with a feather....seriously....

So like two excited little kids - we start racing around the house, Duke calls my dad for permission ( insert awwww.... here) , we change our clothes and off to the courthouse we go.

In the midst of running around I look at the Duke and I say:



Me: "Hey, what are we going to do for rings?"

Duke: "We need rings?"

Me: "Um, yeah!!!"


Duke: "Yeah, didn't think about that"

So we go scurrying through my jewelry chest and I pull out this 3 dollar huge-ass fake diamondette ring...that has an adjustable back. Bling! Bling!

( actually it was bigger and gaudier than this ring!) ( Is gaudier a word?)

And then...

The Duke pulled out his High School Class Ring ( the only ring he owns) and we were back in business!

BTW....the class ring only fits his pinky now!


So we go off skipping to the courthouse, proud as two peacocks that we were doing this uber adult thing...like an adult rite of passage... when we came face to face with the Courthouse Lady!


Duke: "I called earlier. We are going to get married today"

Courthouse Lady (looking at us like we are craazzy) : " your what?"

Duke: "Getting married"

Courthouse Lady: "Sir, we don't do weddings here"

Duke: " Well I spoke to someone and they said we could pay the extra 5 dollars to have it done today"

Courthouse Lady: " Were you talking to them about a Marriage License?"

Duke: "yeah"

Courthouse Lady: " Sir, that does not mean that you can get married today. It just means that you can get your license today by paying the extra 5 dollars instead of waiting the three days."

Duke: nothing... just looking very confused


Me: utterly embarrassed

Courthouse Lady;" We can get you the license today but the courthouse does not do weddings"

Duke: still looking confused

Me: "we will take the license"

Lady goes to get the paperwork...

I start to die laughing....Duke too...

Lady comes back and we fill out all the forms and pay our money, dot our I's , cross our T's and we get handed our OFFICIAL Marriage License!!

and...

Duke then looks at the courthouse Lady and says, (no lie) " So does this mean we are married?"

I just put my head down on the counter

Poor guy...he just doesn't get it!!

I'm going to end here since this is getting long! I guess you will have to come back to find out what happened next!



Till next time...

Lady Jane

FLORIDA BOUND!

I'm on way to Florida!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Although your probably wondering why the hell I would head to Florida in the summer.

Crazy , I know. However, My BFF moved there last year (Orlando) and I miss her like crazy! I'm on summer break and its next to impossible to go during the school year and its cheaper.

So...Florida here I come!

I'm flying alone, which actually I like doing. I get to read a ton of meaningless magazines and read books that I have been coveting without having to make conversation with anyone else. Its nice to have that once in awhile.

Down side....

I'm me.

I get goofed up easily, I'm always late, I don't think things through, very forgetful, and I am tooooo laid back, etc.... all these things are not good when you are flying the friendly skies. Sometimes they are just not that friendly!

I do have some examples...Wanna hear them?

I'll make them short and sweet and to the point.

Example 1:

First time flying alone.

Destination: Washington DC for a friends wedding. I was a "reader" in the wedding so I needed to be there for the dress rehearsal.

My outfit still was not complete for the wedding, I still needed shoes. I thought I would stop at the mall before getting on the plane. Great idea....

Stopped at mall...shopping around and I ran into one of my friends.

friend: Hey I thought you were going to DC?

me: Oh I am. I just needed to get some shoes.

friend: What time is your flight?

me: 2pm

friend: WHAT? Your going to miss your flight!

me: No I won't, I have an hour.

friend: You have to check in your stuff still and go through security...you will never make it.

me: panicking!

I leave to go to the airport ( not before buying the shoes, of course!)

get into the car...no directions! I am so directionally challenged!

I call the airport...get directions. Proceeded to call back like 6 more times to see if the plane left.

For some reason in my head I was thinking I would just pull up to the airport, park, walk in and get on the plane.

Your probably wondering if I ever had been on a plane before...yep...several times.

My excuse...none. Sometimes..I just don't think.

Needless to say I missed my plane, which meant of course that I missed the rehearsal dinner and scared everybody as to my whereabouts.

Oh...I had also left my plane tickets at home...yeah I am that awesome!

Example #2

Destination: San Francisco to visit a friend

Brought an expired license instead of my current one. Why you may ask.... I couldn't find my current one and thought an expired one would work fine. Its not like I would be driving a car or anything. I had left packing until the last minute and didn't have time to look for my license...I needed to be there early ( I didn't want to miss my plane like last time. See...I do learn small lessons)

Fast forward...me trying to check in.

The guy wouldn't let me check in because my license was expired.

Big situation broke out...I went to another airline employee. That person thought I should be let on the plane. In his words "She isn't going to be flying the plane"
Argument broke out between the two about it...third person was called in...I was let on the plane. Had to run all they way there while the plane waited for me.

Want to know the funny thing....this was on my trip home. They obviously let me fly there on my expired license. Hmmph...

Example 3:

Destination: Key West - maid of honor in a wedding

Alarm did not go off in the morning ( thank goodness I am an early riser anyways)
freaked out...threw everything that wasn't packed yet into my carry on.

I'm sure you can guess what happened.

I totally forgot that everything in my carry on that is liquid like could not be bigger than 3.4 oz. Tears are starting to well up at thought of this.

I got to the security check and that is when I encountered the bitch from hell. This cold- hearted woman informs me that I broke all sorts of codes and proceeded to throw away all of my hair products, etc... right in front of me. I thought I was going to be sick! These products were not cheap...I spent money on them!
Hairspray...gone
Shampoo....gone
Conditioner...gone
gel...gone
hair powder...gone
body lotion...gone
body scrub....gone
detangler...gone
toothpaste...gone

and let me tell ya she reveled in throwing this stuff away. She picked each one up, admired it, commented on what the cost of it was, then dropped it in the trash. She did this with every single thing. With everyone that was in line for security watching. It was painful....

and the most embarrassing moment... was when she picked up one of the items that I bought for my friends bachelorette party. This...

Dick Tasty

So here's to hoping that this little trip is uneventful!!!

XOXO

THE LADY JANE

Totally Awkward Tuesday

Happy "Totally Awkward Tuesday" everybody!!! Brought to you by the Great Tova Darling
(if you haven't checked her out - do it!")

I was over at Tova's place and I read her "totally awkward post" and it reminded me of an interaction that I had last year.

My brother was getting married and of course I was in the wedding. Since I am a definite shorty, it goes without saying that I needed to get the dress hemmed. I went to this new seamstress to have her do her magic. I believe she was Korean, but she had very broken English and very sweet.

So anyways, she was down on the ground placing the pins to mark the hems , when she stood up and just started staring at the dress ( on me). I wasn't for sure what she was doing so I didn't do anything and just kind of smiled awkwardly. Finally, what seemed after a lengthy silence. She said " You have no Butt!" No, I couldn't have heard her right, its her broken English so I said "I'm sorry I didn't understand what you were saying." She started pointing at my derriere and said again "no butt. no butt. Looks no good in dress". Well with all the pointing to my rear , I perfectly understood what she was saying. So I started joking and was like "yeah, it sucks, I carry it all in my chest." ha ha ** awkward**. She was serious though and she told me that you could buy "fake butts" and that I needed to do that. I had to promise her that I would buy a "fake butt" and guess what?! I did!! And here it is:

"Padded Buttness" Where your booty is their Duty

( no lie...that's their advertisement)

To be perfectly honest...it has been one of my best investments!!!!
The Lady Jane

The Tales of Dislocation

Okay - so for a couple of posts I have promised an explanation regarding a couple of matters i.e. From March 18th's post: My heart has been broken for about 3 years now. That is when I finally came to terms that I can no longer wear high heels. *sigh* Reason why...will save for another post !!!

From March 13th's post: I usually get really drunk and there will be some extremely embarrassing moments that I still can not live down. Those stories are another post. In fact maybe I will tell one of them in the next post. ( two words...hip dislocation...)

So here it is. I am about to make myself sound like such a Grandma...but honestly I'm only like 30! But here it is... I have dislocated my hip 4 times and broke it once...no lie! Recently had to have some major surgery on it...but I swear I am a rockin', uber awesome, fun lovin' gal..with a hip issue but still cute as hell ( at least that's what I am told!!). My hip, however, has provided me with some pretty good stories! So here is what I liketo call the tales of dislocation.

Dislocation #1:

The set-up:
New Job
I just got a new job on a statewide crisis line. It was the gig of gig's for a graduate social worker. All I had to do was sit in a room (or lay on the couch) with a couple of other people shooting the shit, readin gossip magazines, watch T.V. and surf the net. However, it started out with a bang (or a pop depending on how you look at it). It was my first day actually answering the phones. Two others were working with me and we just started watching a movie when the phone rang and one of the veterans says "Your up!!" So at that time I was sitting in a chair with my legs crossed and the phone was on the floor. I bent over to answer and "POP"..I mean a HUGE pop!! I screamed bloody murder and released several , several F bombs. It was the most mind-blowing pain I have ever had - mind you I had picked up the phone meaning there was a person "in crisis" listening on the other end as I am swearing like a sailor. Everyone freaked out..the ambulance had to be called!! It was disgusting - you could tell my hip was dislocated - I won't go into detail - just trust me. Side note - one of my co-workers who later turned out to be one my best gay guy friends started his own drama as I lay writhing in pain. He kept fanning himself and saying he was going to faint and then laid down beside me on the floor because his "knees buckled" - the ambulance people had to attend him too. He was fine - he just LOVES DRAMA.

2nd Dislocation

The set up:
Harper's Bar - 12:30am - Lansing, Michigan

Out with a huge group of friends, getting completely hammered ( as was everybody!!) and I was sitting at the table with my legs crossed...yep you guessed it ..POP! I knew immediately what happened and thanked the heavens above for all the alcohol I insulted on my body it helped to dull the excurritiating pain! It hurt like hell and I couldn't move at all for fear that I would just start screaming profanity again. Funny thing is all I did was just turn my upper body to the right and it popped out - I didn't even bend over. After dislocating it - I sat as still as I could the rest of the night with the exception of lifting my right arm to throw back shots like a champ. I didn't tell a soul at the table. I do have some pride ya know! There was no way in hell I was going to have an ambulance come in to a packed bar to get me for dislocating my hip - I would have rather died! So I sat there until closing time and then told my friends what had happened..waited for the bar to clear and the staff called the ambulance....and off to the hospital we go again. One of my friends had to leave to go to the bathroom to puke after taking one look at my dislocated hip! Whether she actually did - is questionable or maybe she was she was using it as an excuse because she drank waaaayyyy too much and had to puke anyways!! Fun times...

Dislocation 3#

Set up:
Best Friends wedding - Maid of Honor
I was practically pickled with alcohol that night and had been dancing like a mad woman in sky high heels all night while flirting with the best man ( grooms brother). All of the bridal party had hotel room's and the Best Man had the brilliant of idea of going back to the hotel room where he had more champagne to keep celebrating after the reception was over! Well - I thought he was a genius and a hottie at that so off to the hotel room we go. I won't get into details but lets just say when I woke up the next morning (wink) I for some reason did this move as though I flipped up my legs to propel my upper body up and at the same time twisting my body to get out of the bed. It was all very strange and of course I hear and feel "POP" and again a stream of profanity. Best man passed out but sat up and yelped out of shock at the my stream of profanity. Long story short...ambulance had to be called!! AAHHHH.... here is the additional comedy to the situation. One of the other bridesmaids came with me in the ambulance and she was in an extreme state of hungoverness and actually puked in the ambulance!! And while we were in the ER - the two ambulance guys came back and gave us there their phone numbers! Can you even believe - who does that?! Mind you - I had to miss brunch the next day - so my hook-up was well publicized with everyone ...including all the parents too. Oh the humiliation!

Dislocation #4
Set up:
Bridal shop: Trying on my MOH dress with the other bridesmaids and bride

We were in the dressing room together - giggling, drinking champagne ( see a theme here?) having fun and then I stepped into the dress, tripped and POP. Ugh.....ambulance came, hospital, yadda yadda.

Broken/fractured hip
Setup:
Walking my dog...squirrel...snap, crackle, POP!!!

And that there folks is why I can no longer wear high heels - except for very special occasions and for a short time. When I try ...my hip screams "NO HEELS FOR YOU" ***sigh*** can you hear my heart breaking...not my hip..my heart..geez!

The Lady Jane a.k.a the hipster

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride...and thats all good with me

So I saw this question posted "Is 27 dresses...attainable?" on the blog Something Happened on the Way Home. Anyways....it spoke to me...because that movie (ya know...27 dresses) is me. When this movie came out I heard "Hey they made a movie about you!" a million zillion times! Maybe that's a slight exaggeration but it was a lot.

I have been in ...wait for it...wait for it...**drum roll** 20 weddings! Yep - 20. Only one has been a family member and my first one was when I was 18. Now there is good and bad to this.

Here's how it breaks down:

The Good:

Of course...you share a special moment with a very special friend...yadda..yadda..

Special treatment...c'mon the bartender always gives special drinks or breaks the "no shot" rule for you!

You get a fun party dress and get to look fancier then everyone else!

The Not So Good:

I believe it is the reason as to why I am in the poor house. Bridal shower or showers, bachelorette party, gifts, dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, make-up, special unmentionables, hotel room, sometime plane tickets, possible mandatory spa day...etc... to which you as a bridesmaid have to pay for.

I truly believe that there were some weddings that I was asked to be in because they knew I was "experienced" and would make a fantastic bridesmaid and do a lot of special stuff. Uh...yeah..not me. I get worse and worse. A couple of weddings ago - I forgot to pick up my bridesmaids dress from the seamstress (had to beg for the shop to be opened to get it the day of the wedding) and then I didn't even know where the wedding was and couldn't remember the time. Those are just a couple of examples - but there is a lot more where that came from.

I usually get really drunk and there will be some extremely embarrassing moments that I still can not live down. Those stories are another post. In fact maybe I will tell one of them in the next post. ( two words...hip dislocation...)

After being in all these weddings...there are nights where I can't sleep because I am stressed out as to who will be in my wedding...what would the line up be - I mean obviously the favorite stands by me and no matter how I play it the other girls will know...yep I am that girl. Worry, worry. ( Although I know who I would want by me:)

You get a fugly dress with a fugly hairdo ( ratted hair...puke) and have to get really drunk to forget about the fugly hair and dress which leads you to those embarrassing moments that you can't live down but that make a great post...stay tuned:)

And worst of all..now I have become accustomed to getting the special treatment at weddings and now just being a guest really sucks!! Ya know waiting in line for drinks, being the last to eat, not having first dibs at the groomsmen...

But at the end of the day...I look forward to having those girls ( well maybe 6 of them) stand by me and well of course kick ass at the bridal registry and get lots and lots of gifts. So what are your thoughts??..well that is if anyone out there starts reading this!!

Lady Jane