I do kiss and tell

The new season of the Bachelorette is here...really I don't give a flying f***, ( used to be addicted to the Bachelor/Bachelorette shows, but that stopped a long time ago) now I am on to better reality shows. Oh yeah I didn't give up reality shows ..just this particular one.

Anyways where was I going with this...oh yeah..I was reading a blog post at Fleur-de-licious and she was saying that she knows someone that knows one of the guys on the bachelorette. Which reminded me of my own connection with a past contestant.

Picture this....

I was sitting on my bed doing something..I don't know work, listing what I ate that day, a plan to save the world..I can't remember. What I do remember is being excited about Season 3 of the Bachelorette starting... with Jen Scheft. So the first show is all about seeing who the guys are that are vying for her affection and their 15 minutes of fame.

They are showing clips of each guy talking about himself...

Blah, Blah, from so and so who is a pharmaceutical rep ( isn't everyone on that show..girl or guy)

Bobby Jo from some big city who is a rodeo clown ( they always have one with a weird occupation)

Michael from somewhere no one has ever heard of who is a teacher ( the token one that is full of heart, no money in the bank, but just wants to help others and is looking for love...the sap)

When I almost choked on my bedtime snack!

Wait!!! Back-up!! I know that guy...I've kissed that guy...I hid from that guy and he is no sweet ol' boy trying to do good!

Oh, no he's not!!!

Let me give ya the 411 on how I met this dude ( yep, I said dude)

It was memorial day weekend and one of my guy friends had invited me up to his family's place up north. I've known this guy for years. We went to high school together, his parents are friends with my parents, I even threw him a baby shower for the girl he knocked up that he had no romantic relationship with. In short, he is one of my best friends...but he is flipping crazy and that is why I love him. Crazies attract crazies and there is always a good time to be had by all.

So too make a long weekend of drinking and being stupid short...I am only going to tell the one part that is the whole reason I am doing the post.

There was a friend of J's ( my guy friend) there for the weekend. He was a big guy, one of those body builder types!! We started drinking as soon as we got there and the more we drank the CRAZIER he got. I know, I know your probably saying duh, that's what you do when you are drinking a lot. What I'm saying is that he got CRAZY, not drunk. He said he didn't drink " His body is his temple" or some shit like that...But he started to get the wild eyes, flexing, and making all these weird grunts. He would continually chase me around because he wanted to bench press me, lift me over his head, see how far he could throw me ( I was all of 96 lbs then) andat one point I thought he might eat me ( he was licking his lips a lot).
It was on the last night there that he cornered me and mashed his face on mine. He probably called it a kiss, I call it a mash. No pleasure at all, only pain. I was squirming and then my girlfriend saw me and saved me. Thank God, because I was pretty sure that my teeth were coming through my lips at one point.

Then it all finally made sense, when we overheard him offer a couple of the guys GHB ( the date rape drug). Bingo. Guy on date rape drug = crazy! Then I freaked that he put something in my my drink, but then my friend pointed out that when he was pulverizing my face with his lips I probably wouldn't haven't been trying to get away. I've never been slipped a rooghy ( well, i don't think so. I was hoping I had before because of some really bad-hook-ups, but I looked up the signs and nope..I wasn't drugged just too wasted with a bad case of beer goggles)..sorry getting side tracked again.

My friend and I found his duffel bag and looked through it ( hey, we were curious and it seemed like a brilliant idea to investigate this guy more) and there was a ton of pills in there, and hypodermic needles ( steroids). No wonder he didn't drink, he had a freakin pharmacy in there!

So back to the bachelorette. When he came on saying he was a teacher and looking for love, just a nice guy...blah...blah. I seriously started laughing until I almost puked. Of course I called my friend and had her check out the show to make sure I was right. I was.. he just looked different when he wasn't grunting and trying to break me in half!

He was pretty normal, maybe a little tooo sappy but way different then the guy I met the year before. I spoke with J who stated that this guy wasn't really a teacher either...he had substitute taught but that was all...

Yuck...I better get ready for work...later!

The Lady Jane