Monday, May 18, 2009

I do kiss and tell

The new season of the Bachelorette is here...really I don't give a flying f***, ( used to be addicted to the Bachelor/Bachelorette shows, but that stopped a long time ago) now I am on to better reality shows. Oh yeah I didn't give up reality shows ..just this particular one.

Anyways where was I going with this...oh yeah..I was reading a blog post at Fleur-de-licious and she was saying that she knows someone that knows one of the guys on the bachelorette. Which reminded me of my own connection with a past contestant.

Picture this....

I was sitting on my bed doing something..I don't know work, listing what I ate that day, a plan to save the world..I can't remember. What I do remember is being excited about Season 3 of the Bachelorette starting... with Jen Scheft. So the first show is all about seeing who the guys are that are vying for her affection and their 15 minutes of fame.

They are showing clips of each guy talking about himself...

Blah, Blah, from so and so who is a pharmaceutical rep ( isn't everyone on that show..girl or guy)

Bobby Jo from some big city who is a rodeo clown ( they always have one with a weird occupation)

Michael from somewhere no one has ever heard of who is a teacher ( the token one that is full of heart, no money in the bank, but just wants to help others and is looking for love...the sap)

When I almost choked on my bedtime snack!

Wait!!! Back-up!! I know that guy...I've kissed that guy...I hid from that guy and he is no sweet ol' boy trying to do good!

Oh, no he's not!!!

Let me give ya the 411 on how I met this dude ( yep, I said dude)

It was memorial day weekend and one of my guy friends had invited me up to his family's place up north. I've known this guy for years. We went to high school together, his parents are friends with my parents, I even threw him a baby shower for the girl he knocked up that he had no romantic relationship with. In short, he is one of my best friends...but he is flipping crazy and that is why I love him. Crazies attract crazies and there is always a good time to be had by all.

So too make a long weekend of drinking and being stupid short...I am only going to tell the one part that is the whole reason I am doing the post.

There was a friend of J's ( my guy friend) there for the weekend. He was a big guy, one of those body builder types!! We started drinking as soon as we got there and the more we drank the CRAZIER he got. I know, I know your probably saying duh, that's what you do when you are drinking a lot. What I'm saying is that he got CRAZY, not drunk. He said he didn't drink " His body is his temple" or some shit like that...But he started to get the wild eyes, flexing, and making all these weird grunts. He would continually chase me around because he wanted to bench press me, lift me over his head, see how far he could throw me ( I was all of 96 lbs then) andat one point I thought he might eat me ( he was licking his lips a lot).
It was on the last night there that he cornered me and mashed his face on mine. He probably called it a kiss, I call it a mash. No pleasure at all, only pain. I was squirming and then my girlfriend saw me and saved me. Thank God, because I was pretty sure that my teeth were coming through my lips at one point.

Then it all finally made sense, when we overheard him offer a couple of the guys GHB ( the date rape drug). Bingo. Guy on date rape drug = crazy! Then I freaked that he put something in my my drink, but then my friend pointed out that when he was pulverizing my face with his lips I probably wouldn't haven't been trying to get away. I've never been slipped a rooghy ( well, i don't think so. I was hoping I had before because of some really bad-hook-ups, but I looked up the signs and nope..I wasn't drugged just too wasted with a bad case of beer goggles)..sorry getting side tracked again.

My friend and I found his duffel bag and looked through it ( hey, we were curious and it seemed like a brilliant idea to investigate this guy more) and there was a ton of pills in there, and hypodermic needles ( steroids). No wonder he didn't drink, he had a freakin pharmacy in there!

So back to the bachelorette. When he came on saying he was a teacher and looking for love, just a nice guy...blah...blah. I seriously started laughing until I almost puked. Of course I called my friend and had her check out the show to make sure I was right. I was.. he just looked different when he wasn't grunting and trying to break me in half!

He was pretty normal, maybe a little tooo sappy but way different then the guy I met the year before. I spoke with J who stated that this guy wasn't really a teacher either...he had substitute taught but that was all...

Yuck...I better get ready for work...later!

The Lady Jane


  1. That's crazy! Well, partially that he was on TV but also the date-rape drug stuff. I've never heard of guys taking those, but it sounds equally sketchy.

  2. wow, very disturbing lol. that's the thing about the show, they're all "nice" and "honest" and "just looking for that one special person." there is no way they can get a big group of guys in a room together that are willing to go on a tv show looking for love AND be all of those qualities. just... no.

  3. Ew! It's very disturbing to me that someone like that could get to be on the show w/ all the supposed screening they do of these people. I know I wouldn't want him to be one of the men I was supposed to be dating and picking from! And if they let him in who knows what else was in the group!!!

  4. I guess you're not the one that nominated him to be on the show?! LOL..

    What a bizarre guy and I can see why you didn't forget him.

  5. That is so crazy. And he sounds sketchy and now I am concerned about the show and who they will let on it.

    I am not a huge bachelor/bachelorette fan, but I do love me some reality TV!

    So You Think You Can Dance starts on Thursday. SCORE!

  6. Yikes! What a creep.

    I was going to try not to watch this show. But it's like a train wreck - you don't want to look, but can't keep your eyes off of it.

    I wish one of these people could do a tell all, but I guess the contract is pretty tight so they can't reveal all afterwards... boo. :(

  7. I've been trying to get over my Bachelor/Bachelorette addiction for years but after the last season, I'm done. And this post makes me feel even better about kicking my habit. What a bizarro!

  8. That's strange. I wonder what events led up to him being on The Bachelorette.

    Definitely strange that he date-rape drugged himself.

  9. Woah... how wierd!?! Makes me wonder if any of this seasons bachelors are total nutcases : - )

    Oh well, John P didn't even make it through the first cut, so much for being famous!

  10. Wo-ho-ho, super creepy. I can't believe he was trying to eat you, what a monster!

  11. Whoa - what a story. That is scary and crazy!!

  12. OMG! What a creeper. I can't believe he offered the other guys GHB...mints, gum, GHB?? WTF!

  13. That's craazy. Maybe he's changed...

    Or not.

  14. seriously crazy story, i love it tho!

  15. WHAT?!?! That is crazy! I love The Bachelor and Bachelorette and now I wish I hadn't deleted the last one off of my DVR so I could go back and check him out!

  16. that's crazy! did you ever watch that show "eliminidate"? i hooked up with one of the guys who appeared as a contestant on that show. kinda cheered when he was the first guy voted off!

  17. That is so funny! Last night I had TWO friends call me to tell me they had each dated guys on the show and neither one were prime catches. Quite the opposite, actually.

    I feel bad for Jillian because she seems like a nice girl! But So You Think You Can Dance is much more exciting!

    Love your blog too girl! Glad we finally crossed paths! XOXO

  18. I met a guy on Spring Break in Key West, decided he was a douche and did NOT hook up with him.

    I was super glad when I saw him on the Apprentice and he entirely confirmed his utter douchiness. WIN!

  19. oh, man. i, er, 'hooked up' with an elimidater once too. not telling which city;)
    weird, weird, scary story, though. yikes!

    p.s. my old blog is history, and i am still working on a new one. i'll let everyone know when it is up

  20. OMG!!! Liar, liar! What a crazy!!!! I didn't see the show Monday, but I will definitely watch it online now just to see this guy!

  21. Eeeew! Years ago I saw the first boy I ever kissed on a cheesy dating show too. I hate to say it, but he still looked hot. I love the Bachelorette..if only we got it in the UK - I have to watch it on dodgy wensites or youtube *sigh*

  22. Choked on your bedtime snack is never a good thing :)

    And what a total freak!

  23. Ewe!!! Un-believable! I would have also choked on my snack, haha!

    Thank you for your comment, btw! I look forward to reading more of your posts :)!

  24. Thanks for the comment on my blog. :) I always like to hear from people who are in their 30s & getting married. Honestly, I am the last single girl in my group of friends, so I am a bit of an anomaly in my group.

    I do think it's best this way, though. I have done so much more than I would have if I had gotten married really young...

    So here's to be single, and in the upper 20s/lower 30s, and fabulous! :)

  25. Hey-that DMB song is the one that goes "Celebrate we will, for life is short but sweet for certain..." Does that help?

  26. Ugh how weird! Did he stay on the show for very long? I never watch it.