Thursday, July 16, 2009

TMI Thursday: the bedside commode



Hey everyone!!!! Happy TMI THURSDAY!!

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

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I know it has been a long time..2 weeks I think! If you remember from my last post I was in the hospital due to my leg and I actually ended up being in there for awhile ( IV antibiotics..the reason).

Well I was in there long enough to have another roommate...

I got Jean 2.0

Jean left and I did a little dance of joy as I had the whole room to myself. However, I was quickly assured by the nursing staff that the bed would probably be filled by the end of the day due to the hospital being at its capacity and the ER being full.

Sigh.. but I had high hopes for next my roommate...I mean she couldn't be as annoying as Jean.

Right? WRONG!!

Her name was Glenda.

Glenda was very nice, however, if I dare to say way GROSSER than Jean.

Glenda was in her mid 40s and had come to the hospital for stomach pains...I'm sure you can see where this is going.

There is sooo much I could write about Glenda and her antics but I will just tell ya of the **highlights** of her stay.

On her first night she had to drink this nasty stuff called "Go-Lightly" for her colonoscopy. I can attest to the fact that it is beyond disgusting but it is doable and I didn't think that the drama that ensued that night was all necessary but whatevs..

"Go Lightly" plain and simple is to make you shit and clear you out completely for the test. ( The name is totally ironic..ha ha)

Glenda was extremely over weight and because of this she said it was very difficult to get out of bed very fast and she was afraid of not making it to the bathroom...when I heard this I wanted to scream because I knew what this meant...

a COMMODE!!!!


Ugh...come on! Seriously people HER bed is right next to the bathroom. The commode sat right next to the door of the bathroom. She would have only had to walk like 3 more feet and BAM she is there, but Noooooo she got the bedside commode!

So for the whole night (7pm until 9am to be exact) I was treated with crying and hysterics about the fact that she "could not drink anymore of this shit and that it was too nasty". ( shit being a theme, I guess)
Several nurses had to come in and give her pep talks which then led into threatening because Glenda started refusing to drink anymore...

As soon as you start drinking this stuff you start pooping and lord have mercy did she ever!!!

There was only a curtain between us and I swear all the farting, shitting, squirting was about enough to make me puke but what was WAY worse was the smell!! OMG the smell!

My room stank so bad! I had my nose covered with the sheet and I was putting my good smelling lip gloss under my nose. Finally the nurses had to come in about every hour 1/2 to spray down the room. Which then just made it smell like pine -sol and shit.

So this went on all night!

When the nurses came to empty the contents...they had to flush the toilet 10 times to get it all down.

Yes...I counted the flushes.

There wasn't much to do. I also took notes on my iphone and I recorded Glenda talking and groaning to herself ( she did this a ton) ...but I have no idea how to upload it on here. Sorry...

Anyways, Glenda went for her test the next day and I THOUGHT that it would be the last of the bedside commode...um no.

She wanted to keep it because now her knee was bothering her. I thought I was going to SCREAM!!! The worst was is that the next day was my birthday and I knew I was going to have a lot of visitors.

Awkward...especially when it was the Duke's brother and dad there! Sheesh!

She didn't go poop WHILE they were there, but she did puke. and well...there were noises.

And yes...the room still stank.

The best part (or worst) was the night after her test and she was out of her bed and started to walk when "shit just fell from her ass unto the floor." I put this in quotes because this is exactly what she told the nurses.

Oh yes...you read it correctly. She poo poo'd on the floor.

Apparently my lovely readers when the "SHIT JUST FELL FROM HER ASS!" ...she stepped in it too. Lovely...just lovely.

Yep... stepped in the shit.

Ya know what...she didn't even shower until late the next day!!!

She thought this was freakin' hilarious! I swear she called everyone she knew to tell them about it.

That was the other thing she was on the phone 24 -7.

Over the course of my life I have been in the hospital several times ( posts for another time) but these roommates are definitely at the top of my "roommates from hell" list. Yeah, I have a list...what of it???

I swear these posts don't even began to do these women justice because I cannot adequately describe them and how annoying they really were.

I have incredible patience and empathy too...but these two were just plain rude. I know you don't feel good...I've been there, but couldn't there have been an excuse me or an I'm sorry. Those little words sometimes make a big difference.

So to all of you out there in bloggy world...if you ever have to share a hospital room and you need to poop in a commode or you have incredibly horrible gas. Some sort of acknowledgement to your roommate about it and that your sorry that she has to be in the room with you at least lets the roommate know that you recognize the fact that its a bad situation.

I apologize when I have gas...just sayin'.

Not saying that a sick person has to apologize for being sick....but...well it would have made me feel less angry and annoyed.

Oh and BTW...the result of her test...she has bad gas.

Yeah...I could have told ya that!

THE LADY JANE

33 comments:

  1. NO WAY!!!!

    I'm laughing so hard my belly is hurting!! Oooh, maybe I need a colonoscopy?

    I'm so relieved to know you're o.k. I do have to question a hospital that keeps sticking shitters in the room with the girl trying to battle an infection. I mean shouldn't there be a special shitters section?

    Just saying.

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  2. I hope B doesn't read this... I am fairly certain he will decide he wants a bedside commode.

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  3. I've missed you! And you're back with a bang...or a pile of shit on the floor. :)

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  4. Oh my God, I laughed so hard there. That woman was blogging GOLD. But man, you should get some hard-hitting journalistic award for your part (sort of like those intrepid news people who to go war zones) because no one should have to witness another person shitting up a storm a few feet away. UGH!!! :)

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  5. I have a similar story like that. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

    http://mels-lifeinthecube.blogspot.com/2009/02/stupid-contacts.html

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  6. This is the funniest post ever. Perhaps I found it extra funny today because I also witnessed someone who could not make it to the bathroom and shat on the floor, then stepped on it. (I shit you not. Hee.) But he was two. Sorry you had to endure that.

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  7. OMG. I think you are in hell! Seriously where do these people come from? And we thought you had it bad w/ the first one! Boy were we mistaken! Thank goodness you are out of there now!

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  8. THL - They actually had to take me out of the room to do dressing changes...because it wasn't sanitary. When you think about it..the whole hospital isn't sanitary..its a bunch of sick people

    Lilu- Ha...it is convenient!

    Brunhilda - Thanks, Hun!

    Gidget - I've missed you guys too!

    V.A. - Hey...I like the idea of an award! War zone is right!

    Life in a cube - OOhhh...I will have to read that!

    Gina - I think poop is hilarious too! However, I couldn't get away from that nasty smell. YUCK

    kellie - I was asking myself the same thing!

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  9. Oh my gosh, I went in my work bathroom the other day and a lady was in there who was so big she couldn't even shut her stall door and the smell was WRETCHED! I seriously almost puked. I cannot CANNOT imagine being stuck in a room with a woman like that! I honest to goodness would have cried and thrown myself a nice big ol' pity party. You definitely deserve some kind of award for surviving that!

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  10. Laughing all over again! You know how to find the ways to blog in Gold and silver. The distasteful state of humans who can turn an illness into a diagnosis simply by having extra gas!!!! I still can't beleive you had to experience that! It's just WRONG! Sick and Wrong!
    Thanks for making me laugh again today!

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  11. OMG!!! I'm laughing so hard I might pee my pants!! I'm sorry you went through that, too bad they couldn't move you to a new room, sheesh...

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  12. I couldn't possibly have gone through that without begging to be moved. That was horrible!

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  13. Oh.my.gosh! This is just wrong! I would have definately demanded to be moved to a different room once I found out what she was going to have to go through. That's just awful!

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  14. I cant believe you put up with all of this "shit". My god! I would have demanded another room, I just cannot put up with that! I was laughing a little bit about the way you were writing it, but after a while I really started to feel bad for you - that lady is horrible. I hate puke and poop - I do not know how you did it... or the Nurses! Poor things! GROSS!

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  15. Holy shit girl, this is digusting! I hope I never have to go to a hospital :(

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  16. How funny would it have been i she had slipped on the shit that fell out of her ass? Seriously, then it woulda been like she was trying to squeesh it back in her ass!

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  17. Oh. Dear. Lord. I can not believe this! I am shocked. Anddd I am dying laughing. You poor,poor thing. I can't believe you didn't vomit. This is one of the most insane stories I have ever heard and I need to go recover. Hope you are recovering as well.

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  18. Gross, gross, gross!!!!!!!! That's making me want to vomit and laugh at the same time!!!!
    On a side note, I'm glad to hear you're ok!!

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  19. I would have seriously complained! To try to sleep in a shit-smelling room = not gonna happen.

    In any case, I'm GLAD you're back!

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  20. I needed a laugh...thanks!

    I'm a new follower, I hope you'll check my blog out too when you have time!

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  21. OH LAWD....I don't even know how to respond other than to say that it sounds like you had a pretty shitty time while at the hospital. Thanks for the laugh!!!

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  22. I damn near woke up the kids when I got to the part about her shitting on the floor and stepping in it. I may have snorted. Dear God, woman! This only happens to you. I've been around some weirdos, but nothing like this.

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  23. Oh.Gosh. I feel sorry for you having to endure it, yeah now proves the point why I hate hospital so much.

    Altho it is still funny, wish you could put up that audio ...would be fun to listen to :P

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  24. I'd have slept in the janitor's closet before spending another second in that room with her. She.had.no.shame. How do people go through life that way? And my eyes bucked out of my head when you said it took her several episodes to decide to bathe. GROSS!

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  25. OMG!!!!! You're back with a bang...or a load. Jesus honey, you have had some crazy luck!! Well at least we all get to enjoy the stories! :) XOXO!

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  26. You are one strong woman! I would have beggin the nurses to let me sit in the hall, maybe a waiting room, heck I could even field phone calls at the nurses' station...anything but that torture.

    Glad that you are back and not behind bars because of any Jean =)

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  27. I swear this story is on the verge of unbelievable. Really? Why does hospital staff think it's acceptable to have another person share a room with someone doing the things she is doing? OMG that is disgusting!

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  28. Jesus fucking Christ you really have the worst possible luck with hospital roomies. Seriously? I don't even know what to say. That's just fucking absurd.

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  29. I left you something on my blog! Go check it out when you have a chance!

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  30. that's some crazy shit! (sorry i really couldn't help myself).

    I know it won't undo all the mental trauma, but I laughed so hard at this post (my shit almost fell from my ass...sorry).

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  31. oh my lol...that is horrible lol

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