Monday, August 3, 2009

Hospital part deux

Hello Lovelies!

I'm back...did ya miss me?? even if you didn't...tell me ya did because I missed you!

Well...I am back in the hospital due to another stupid infection. Boo....

I had a few letters I needed to write regarding my current hospital stay. Tell me what ya think:)


Dear Lovely Judith (roomate numero uno)-

When they first wheeled me up to the room and was confronted with the fact that I was not getting a private room and once again would have a roommate , I was crestfallen. I couldn't see you at this time because of the curtain being closed so I stealthy whispered an inquiry to the nurse as to whether you had to use a bedside commode. I was thrilled when the answer was
"no sweetheart she doesn't" followed by a stifled laugh and I was a happy camper again.

After sharing a room for a day I started to pick up on your "classy lady" vocabulary like when you said to the nurse " I voided three times today" when she asked "How many times did you urinate today". Voided instead of pee'd... very classy. I also found it interesting that you used the word " stool" instead of shit or poop. My favorite was when you informed the doctor that you have been expelling gas...i thought that was just too cute.

I also want to tell you that I appreciated that you were quiet and your visitors were very respectful and I really loved the fact that you took them down to the garden area to do your seriously rocked!!

So why did you have to go????

Please come back...I now have Mary and she doesn't use these cute words and have nice manners.

I miss you Judith


Lady Jane

Dear Roommate #2 ( Mary)
I had high hopes for you..... **sigh**

When the nurses aide informed me that I was going to be getting a new roommate I immediately asked "Does she have to use a bedside commode?" and I almost wept with joy when she said "No she doesn't have those types of issues. She is around her late 40's and is having kidney type pain"

So you see I was feeling good about you.

When you were brought in on the stretcher and you where making all sorts of howling noises due to pain... I was feeling empathy towards you. When you were flashing me your goodies, I thought to myself ...(Self - she just isn't used to wearing the hospital gowns and due to the pain she isn't thinking about closing her legs.)

See Mary, I get it!

And let me tell you I thought you were the cats meow when the nurses aide brought in a bedside commode for you because she thought it would help since you were short of breath and in a lot of pain AND you said that there was no reason to have one because you can walk just fine. I loved it and you!!!! So imagine my surprise and horror when I started hearing what sounded like rain hitting inside an empty bucket!

Oh no...I knew exactly what that sound were VOIDING ( in the words of the great lady Judith)!!!!


I thought you said there was no reason to have one?! I thought you said you can walk just fine?!
I tried to be calm and told myself that maybe, just maybe you were having lots of difficulty breathing and you were having the worst pain of your life and there was no way you could have made it to the bathroom....but then soon after your little commode session I heard ya dialing up Cathy ( or whatever her name is) and started talking without gasping for breath and without screaming out for someone to put you out of your misery. were calling to check on your doggies.

Some might say I should be relieved it wasn't stools being left and you were just voiding, but even voiding smells really bad....very bad.

(picture of Mary's commode...under the window)

You know what bothered me the most? It was that after you voided in the commode you NEVER EVER called anyone to come in and flush it down the toilet! You just let it sit in there until the next time you voided and then you just added to it and just kept doing it until I assume the bucket was full. One word for ya Mary ....GROSS! You are gross!

I do have a question for you. Remember that time when your fiancee' was visiting and during your conversation you decided to use the commode and I heard him ask you "Do you not use toilet paper with that thing?" what did you reply? I couldn't hear you. All I know is that got me to thinking that I never heard you rip off toilet paper when you used the commode. I kept thinking about this, so when you went to get your cat scan I pulled back the curtains and scanned your side of the room for the elusive toilet paper and guess what? I didn't see ANY!

Please explain this to me.

I also know that you have never requested any toilet paper because I have been in here the entire time. So what are you using? Please tell me you are using something and just not drip drying...I just don't think I could handle that.


Lady Jane

Dear. Ashley ( my favorite nurses aide)

Ashley, I think you are fantastico!! You are brilliant and such a sly, sly woman. When you came to change Mary's bedding while she was out and exclaimed that it was "not right" that she had a bucket full of pee and also had the lid up for it to smell up the room, that was awesome. I jumped on that bandwagon as quick as I could.

When you came an hour later with some homemade air freshener to set around my room...I wanted to jump out of my bed and run and hug you! I think my unending thank yous got my point across pretty well though.

(picture of the homemade air freshener...see the cup of liquid behind the hat)

My favorite part though was when you had your talk with her about making sure she tells someone when she has used the commode because it is unsanitary and encouraged her to get up and walk to the bathroom because it would be good for her. YAY!!!!!!!

I will end this letter saying you will make a rockin' registered nurse:)

Your Loyal Patient,

Lady Jane
Signing off from her sugar cookie smelling room