the campaign of all campaigns!!!

Ladies ( and gentlemen - I think there are a couple)

There is a movement, a crusade, a battle, if you will, that is beginning to sweep the nation ( with your help, of course!)

My bloggy friend Sassy Britches told us about a campaign that they tried to start in college and I have to tell you I jumped on this idea faster than I do a cheeseburger after a night of drinking!! and let me tell ya...that's fast!! The Duke can attest.


Well Sassy had a lot of responses to her post from women across the US...so she has made it official and the war has begun!!!!!!!!!!!!


I know, I know! I'm sure your like "For the love all things Holy..tell us already!"


so without further ado, I give you the


WIPE THE WEINER campaign

Oh yes! You read it right!!

As soon as I read her story about her college attempt - I was all "OMG...I think about that all the time!!"

I mean really....do they think a good "shake" takes care of all the pee droplets?? Yeah..a few go on the back of the toilet or if I am really lucky and they are a little over zealous with the shaky shake and I can even get it on the vanity or the wall!

Seriously...why would they ever think it would be okay not to wipe???

a dab or two..c'mon! It would be as quick as a good jiggle and CLEANER I might add!!!

Lets not even get to the topic of underwear spottage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So anyways....SPREAD THE WORD!!!

Go grab a button at Sassy's...like Now!!

All WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD UNITE!!!!!!!

We are women hear us ROAR!

yeah...i'm a little excited.

editors note** there has been a controversy about the spelling of Weiner..German vs. English.."I" before "e"...yadda yadda. We like Weiner...Sassy looked it up ..its all good.

Sorry about the spacing on the 2nd half...Blogger won't change it for me! Anyone alse having spacing issues?

THE LADY JANE

I have no idea what to title this??!!

I think this is going to be one of those posts that is going to be random...I'm thinking bullet point. It might be easier for you all to follow my ramblings. Just an FYI..its not going to be witty either because....

• I'm dyin......of PAIN!! Ok, this is how I know I am seriously out of shape ( I knew I was but this even surprised me) I am in some serious, drug needing, pain from Tai Chi!!

Yeah, Tai Chi

A person doing tai chi moves his body slowly and gently, while breathing deeply and meditating (tai chi is sometimes called "moving meditation")

I know it is also considered a "combat style" but the above description is what I am doing!

How embarrassing! I am going to hide my face from the world ( probably under a blanket and on top of a heating pad....just sayin'. ) So as if wasn't feeling bad enough I took a break from this post to go read some other blogs and that's when I read this by my lovely bloggy friend Gina! Talk about just rubbing my face right in the doo - doo. I know, i know this post didn't actually exist when she wrote it but my face still feels like it has doo - doo on it!
I need to keep moving on...because I don't know how much typing my poor arms can take. Seriously...

• Update on my Rite Aid Sucks post - If you haven't looked in the comments section lately (c'mon I know you all can't get enough of me and you read the comment section when I have not posted...just admit it. Trust me you feel better) But just in case you are one of the rare few who do not do this.... This is the comment

Hi "Lady Jane,"

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. This is not a policy, and I'd like to investigate. Would you please call me and share where and when this occurred so that I may pursue.

Thanks in advance for your time,

Eric Harkreader
Rite Aid Public Relations
(717) 975-5713

I'm totally going to call him...but I only remember on the weekend when Eric isn't working. **lightbulb** I will put a reminder in my lovely i-phone. So I guess this kind of sucks an update when I haven't actually called him yet...consider it part 2 on my revenge on Rite-Aid.

• Update on EMO kid ( you can read up on him here and here) .....he was locked up for like 3 weeks and he returned Friday...ugh. He shaved off all his hair and he wore NO makeup . He made this big apology, I think its the honey moon period..but I am trying to stay positive. he will not kill me, he will not kill me

• I do have an update on the "people who want my money so they invited us to their wedding even though we have never met them". I conducted a full investigation and here are the results....its a cousin of the Duke's. He has NEVER met them and is not in contact with the groom to be's immediate family. Uh..Weird!! I guess I would save my guest list for people we actually know and have had at least one conversation with...just sayin"

• Only 17 more school days until I am FREE!!!! For a whole 2 1/2 months!!! I would start dancing...but ya know...I'm in pain
  

Need to go get some ice packs! I'm out....

THE LADY JANE

Duke almost killed me, I have a sensi, and I have fallen in love

I am In Love!!! seriously IN LOVE!!! Picture me in a meadow twirling around with my arms outstretched and a huge smile ( maybe a little singing) with a ray of light shining down on just me!

Who is my heart beating for, you ask?

Well, its my very own iPhone!!!

I never want to let it out of my sight...it has everything I could ever dream of...it blows my mind! But, um...I am going to attend a workshop on how to use it Monday night because I am not so technologically savvy.

I could go on and on about all the apps and its different functions...but I got some more I want to tell ya about.

The Duke and I are starting to learn Tai Chi! We have this 71 year old Sensi ( the master of teaching) and to be perfectly honest he could kick both of our asses. He kept getting side tracked on "Warrior" type moves ..so I would encourage him to go on and then ask him to show me the moves on the Duke! Which was pretty effin' hilarious. I think that the Duke was pretty surprised that this old man could take him out in two moves!

This is supposed to help my mind, body and spirit all come together ( which I gotta tell ya, it better, because I'm feeling a little schizophrenic, a little crazy, some might say a little bitchy but whatevs...)

While we were at the Sensi's home he took us around the acres his house sits on and was pointing out the different weeds and plants and what they could be used for.

Let me pause here for a little background info-

On Friday night when I got home from work I was feeling pretty lousy, aunt Flo came for a visit ( unexpectedly I might add) so I had some mighty bad cramps. ya know the kind where it feels like your insides are in knots and someone is trying to pry them apart with a crow bar or heavy duty fingernails. Anyways, the Duke was feeling pretty bad for me and unbenownst to me he did some research on the web on what could help cramps. I saw him go outside and he comes in with what looked like weeds and starts to make tea out of them.

me: "Hey what are you doing with those weeds?"

Duke: " Well...I was feeling bad for you and I read that catnip tea helps relax the uterus and its supposed to make women feel better when ...ya...know"

me: " Awww...that is sooo sweet of you!! But..um ..I'm not sure about drinking something that was in our backyard and the dogs could have peed on."

Duke: " Oh, no it will be fine. It's boiling in hot water and I'm pretty sure the dogs hadn't peed on it"

me: " Uh..you don't know that for sure and how in the heck did you know that weed was in our back yard?"

Duke: " I'm smart like that...I pay attention to whats in our back yard and I look it up." ( big grin on his face) (Ahh..yes I do not doubt for a minute that the Duke does this because thats just like him)

me: " Don't cats get stoned on catnip? Am i going to?"

Duke " That would be cool if you did! Let me know if it does and I will make some for me too"

Well....I was hurting pretty bad and probably would have drank warm piss at this point if I thought it would make the cramps better. So I did it...and it wasn't too bad. I do think it made me feel a little groggy...maybe a little stoned ( or it was wishful thinking...)

So cut to Saturday as we were walking around with the Sensi.

Duke : " Hey I know what that is. Its catnip" pointing to a weed in the ground.

Sensi: " Nope not catnip...not sure which one that is"

Me: " What?!" then I looked at the Duke with my crazy eyes " That's not catnip? What did you give me? I could have been killed!"

Duke ( backing away from me): " Well, I THOUGHT it was catnip. Isn't it the thought that counts?"

Me: " Um...no! Not if I am dead!"

***But I did think it was cute that he tried to help with my womanly problems..love the Duke

Oh and BTW...anybody who has an iPhone ..is there a great app that you like?? ( not games) I'd love to know!!!

Have a great Monday...


The Lady Jane

Its official....

Alright today starts my first day of .....

1) losing my fattiness that is taking me over

2) quit smoking...AGAIN

3) getting organized at home

4) catching up with friends..that I have been neglecting due to "hell" month at work

Its SPRING BREAK, BABY!!!!!!!!

Great time for me to focus on me!! My hair has not been done in months ( did you hear that ..I said months!!)
Don't even get me started on my nails...ewww..half-painted..chewed up crap.

I'm going to take advantage of this week to the fullest! It doesn't matter that I have woken up with a sore throat and a cough. Nope...nothing is going to stop me:)

So for today's activities will include:

- making grocery list for my new diet and going grocery shopping

- doing the dishes ( our sink broke a couple of days ago.. icky water went everywhere..dog ate icky water..threw up said icky water...) the sink is being fixed as we speak.

- exercise...first time in FOREVER

- Call my friends:)

And I am going to be posting a lot!!!

Love to all of you:))

The Lady Jane

I call SABOTAGE!!!!

Sorry!!

It has been "hell" week at work...well actually it has been "hell" month..but really bad this week. Of course it probably wouldn't have had to be as bad as it was if I wasn't such an incredible procrastinator. I feel like I have made it into an art form. You know the old saying
" Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today"..or some crazy shit like that. Well let me tell ya those are not words I live by. I wish it was but at this late stage in my life...those things likely aren't going to change...but I am gonna try anyways:)

Which brings me to my real reason for posting. I have a confession..yes another one. I am a sabotager...of myself. I am driving myself crazy! I know exactly what my problem is, yet I do nothing about it. Oh wait..yes I do. I make it WORSE!

Want to lose weight. I make a detailed plan of action including a grocery list for my oh so yummy low calorie recipes and then I order the two large pizza for one deal...within the hour.

Make a list of things I need to do for work and give each task a due date ( like tomorrow) and then I read blogs for two hours and surf the net.

I make a pledge to re-quit smoking ( I started up again) and have great convo with boyfriend about my "really never wanting to smoke..bad for health, blah, blah" Sneak out of the house under the statement " I need to get something for my lunch the next day" and go buy a pack! Again within the hour!

Ahhhh.... I am telling you this list could go on and on and on... no lie.

Where is my will power...dammit! I mean its one thing to try and then fall off the wagon but I don't even get on the wagon! I need help! Serious help. and I call myself a counselor! HA HA HA

So I have joined Operation Muffin(topple) with Catherinette at the Catherinette Chronicles. I need to get rid of this extra baggage that I put on post-surgery. I need some accountability! I will be giving you updates...

BTW..I snuck out and smoked a ciggie during this post! AAhhhhh....
Will Somebody please kick my ass! Please! Real hard!!!

The Lady Jane