The engagement/elopement/I don't know

YAY!

It made me so happy to get all the comments about what people wanted to hear about! Oh how I have missed you guys:)

As you can probably guess the whole engagement/elopement won out as the first "comeback" post.

I just have to say one thing before i get to the storytelling. I have to come clean.

I am a procrastinator.



I know...you probably already knew that and if I look into past posts - I am sure I mentioned it.

However, I just had to say it again. So often I put off doing a post because I am not feeling my "creativity." I always think I have to be witty or have cute pics to go with the post and by me putting this pressure on myself to be creative often to ends up me not blogging for long periods of time.

So you know what? I'm done with that. You are going to have to take me as I am even on my crappiest of creative days.



What I am getting at is that today is one of those days...actually the last few days have been that and I didn't want to put this off any longer waiting for just that "right time".

So your just going to have to deal with it!



(actually, you are probably saying to yourself "IF those past posts were creative, then I hate to see what this one is going to be!")

and you are probably right!



Anyways......

on to the story!!

OK.... The Duke and I have been talking marriage for quite some time and would say things like "when we get settled in our jobs, we will get engaged"

or

"when we are more financially secure, we will get engaged",

or


"the holidays are always a great time to get engaged."

But you know as well as we know that there is never that "perfect"time. So a couple of weeks ago we were out to eat and we started talking about when it would be a good time to get engaged and then we realized that at this rate we were NEVER going to get married!! So after some drinks we were like " Hey lets just go get married!!" and you know what? We basically did just that!

The next day The Duke called up the courthouse to talk to them about getting married there that day. (yes, romantic..I know:)

But I didn't know he was going to call. We didn't make very specific plans the night before - we were just like "YEAH!" lets do it!"

Anyways, Duke calls me at work and tells me to come home....not sure why...I came home.



Duke tells me that he set it all up!! We can go get married at the courthouse that day!!



You could have knocked me over with a feather....seriously....

So like two excited little kids - we start racing around the house, Duke calls my dad for permission ( insert awwww.... here) , we change our clothes and off to the courthouse we go.

In the midst of running around I look at the Duke and I say:



Me: "Hey, what are we going to do for rings?"

Duke: "We need rings?"

Me: "Um, yeah!!!"


Duke: "Yeah, didn't think about that"

So we go scurrying through my jewelry chest and I pull out this 3 dollar huge-ass fake diamondette ring...that has an adjustable back. Bling! Bling!

( actually it was bigger and gaudier than this ring!) ( Is gaudier a word?)

And then...

The Duke pulled out his High School Class Ring ( the only ring he owns) and we were back in business!

BTW....the class ring only fits his pinky now!


So we go off skipping to the courthouse, proud as two peacocks that we were doing this uber adult thing...like an adult rite of passage... when we came face to face with the Courthouse Lady!


Duke: "I called earlier. We are going to get married today"

Courthouse Lady (looking at us like we are craazzy) : " your what?"

Duke: "Getting married"

Courthouse Lady: "Sir, we don't do weddings here"

Duke: " Well I spoke to someone and they said we could pay the extra 5 dollars to have it done today"

Courthouse Lady: " Were you talking to them about a Marriage License?"

Duke: "yeah"

Courthouse Lady: " Sir, that does not mean that you can get married today. It just means that you can get your license today by paying the extra 5 dollars instead of waiting the three days."

Duke: nothing... just looking very confused


Me: utterly embarrassed

Courthouse Lady;" We can get you the license today but the courthouse does not do weddings"

Duke: still looking confused

Me: "we will take the license"

Lady goes to get the paperwork...

I start to die laughing....Duke too...

Lady comes back and we fill out all the forms and pay our money, dot our I's , cross our T's and we get handed our OFFICIAL Marriage License!!

and...

Duke then looks at the courthouse Lady and says, (no lie) " So does this mean we are married?"

I just put my head down on the counter

Poor guy...he just doesn't get it!!

I'm going to end here since this is getting long! I guess you will have to come back to find out what happened next!



Till next time...

Lady Jane

I'm baaaccckkkk!!!

Ugh.... I have no idea how to even start this!

For starters this is my first time even logging into blogger since....well, my last post!

SO many things have happened since then and to be totally honest the past month I have been avoiding coming back because I felt SO guilty!!

I honestly didn't think that it would really matter that I hadn't posted in awhile so you can imagine my shock and (horror!!) when a month ago I logged into my trippinthroughlife email and I saw e-mails and comments left on my last post wondering where the hell I was and some people thinking that something happened to me. ( was that a run-on sentence, or what?) I probably should have logged on right then and wrote "I'M NOT DEAD!!" but did I? Well, we all know the answer to that one. Instead, I tried to think of something that I could say that would make me not posting for 3 months all OK and nobody would be mad.

YES, I worry that much about what people think. Yes, even people I have never met. Sheesh!

And I came up with NOTHING. A whole month of thinking of just that right thing to say and ....nothing.

Today - I just thought to hell with it - I'll post anyways.

I have no idea where to even start....ALOT has happened. So what I've decided to do is list a bunch of things that have been going on and then all of you can leave a comment saying what you want to hear about first and we will just play it like that:)

OK...HERE WE GO!

1) Another hospitalization
2) a very awkward situation regarding a toilet
3) I quit my job
4) I got new eye glasses
5) I got engaged
6) I started my own business
7) I bought a wedding dress ( a month before I got engaged)
8) The Duke and I are official RVer's (not sure if that is a word)
9) The Duke and I eloped
10) I now steal toilet paper and taco sauce packets
11) I made the Duke very upset.....( this doesn't happen much)

So chime in..... what do you want to hear about. Give me your top 3!

Missed you!! Honestly I did:)

The Lady Jane

Drinking and walking do not mix

WARNING***WARNING*****WARNING******WARNING******WARNING******WARNING

If you do not like the sight of blood do not go any further....there are pictures attached that may make you vomit...just sayin'

If you do decide to keep reading and do vomit...don't say I didn't warn you.

Ok...

Long story short...I got completely bombed on Saturday night at my friends party.

Yep...completely bombed

( which by he way it was a GREAT party! Food, drinks, and a DJ...what more could ya want?)

Anyways I was very drunk and it was 3 in the morning when the Duke and I decided to go home ( well to my parents house - we were about 3 hours from our actual house)

and as we were walking out the garage door I was simultaneously turning around to say some witty comment upon my exit when I hit the cement step and fell. I landed with a thud, sat stunned...and then started laughing uncontrollably!! I couldn't stop.

I do this whenever I fall or I see someone else fall. To me it is the most hilarious thing ever and No it does not matter if they are really hurt or not. Awful, I know.

I guess nobody really saw me fall except the Duke. He made sure I was OK and then we both laughed all the way to the car..which was actually quite a ways. When we got in, I bent down to see my leg because I was pretty sure I had a nasty bruise. However, when I touched it..it was wet and gooey!

I turned to the Duke and held up my hand and said "Is this blood?"

Duke freaked out because when he turned on the light in the car..there was lots of blood..lots.

He pulled the car up to the house and ran to get some bandages, towels, whatever...

Everyone then came running out the house and they totally freaked on me!

Saying things like

"OMG..its like a piece of meat is hanging off!"

"we need bandages..STAT"

"i'm gonna faint"

and

As for me I was still laughing.... I felt like it was all I could do.

They did bandage me up..see pic below..and off to the hospital I went.

**amazing, the things you can do with Duct tape**

Yes..my foot is swollen...I do not have cankles.

The Duke did make a pit stop at my parent's house to pick them up so they could actually drive us there..because the Duke had a lot to drink too and they are luck was going we didn't want to chance it.

Its always nice to surprise your parents with a trip to the ER at 3:30 in the morning!

I wish I could say that was first time...but that's for another post.

Are you ready for the pics??? Remember I did warn you!

I am going to rock the mini skirt this summer..fo sho

For some reason ( read..pain meds) I was making the Duke and my mom give two thumbs up. I made them do this pose like 5 times. Why...who knows?

At 6:30 am I was finally let go and all they did was put a bandage on. I guess they couldn't "salvage" my skin..so they referred me to a wound clinic. Seriously??

I went to the "wound clinic" today. Apparently they have to leave the wound open and let the skin die off. DIE OFF??!!

I have a huge ass dressing that I have to change twice a day, a ruined pair of jeans, blood soaked shoes..that I am pretty sure a ruined too , blood in my new Escape, and I can't swim all summer.

Oh yeah...I am totally bruised up to my thigh and I have a Hematoma on the other leg too.

Yay for my first day of summer break!!

Moral of the story: Don't try to be funny, just look where you are walking.

THE LADY JANE

Finally....

As promised pics of me since I have now hit my 100 followers mark!!! Did you think i forgot, or just plain forgot about this blog??!! I didn't!! Just finishing up school...3 days!!

Anyways on with the show...

I always love seeing pics of other people, so why not do it myself. I already told ya , i am not photogenic. I did add some prom/homecoming pics because i loved it when other people have lately, in honor of prom season! And you know to liven it up instead of seeing just a crappy old pic of me. I didn't have much here...most is it my parent house and they live three hours away. best I could do...deal with it!

To start us off...how about a hoop skirt?! Ah yes people I wore a hoop skirt. It was 1989 and I was the freshman representative on the Homecoming court ( hence the tiara) and we had to wear a hoop formal dress. it was an unwritten rule ( which I broke later...read on) I look like little BO-peep but I swear it was cool then!!

My mom always forgot to take pictures of just me before the dance. It was really because of two reasons a) i always ran late and was never ready when my date showed up and b) we were the house where everybody came to get their pics taken. my mom doted over everyone...which is why there was always more pics of other people then me and my date. But it was fun

This picture was actually taken like two weeks after the dance on a random Saturday. Mom felt bad that there wasn't any pics of just me so she made me put on my dress to take pictures... which is the reason for the bad hair!

NEXT UP..

Sophomore homecoming, 1990. I loved this dress. it was midnight blue velvet with a completely open back. True to form my mom didn't get pics of just me before the dance, so this picture was taken after i came home. Which is why I look a little drunk, tired, whatevs and I am holding my wrist corsage. What do you think of the owl pics in the background?? awesome, huh?

This is my senior year homecoming. Circa 1992 . Yes, I am wearing Tiara again...homecoming court. What?? You laughing at my fake diamond encrusted tiara?? I rocked them, what can i say. This is a rare time that my mom actually took a pic of just me before the dance. You can't see it, but this dress was NOT floor length. This was a first for someone being on the court. It was actually higher in front and lower in back. Scandal I tell you, I was the talk of the town!!


This is from my senior prom. 1993, baby!! We had just been crowned the King and Queen. ( what can i say, they liked me, really liked me!! aka Sally field...nevermind )

This is my ex- we were together for MANY years. I will think up a suitable name for him...later. This is the only pic of us with our king and queen stuff on....together at least. I wanted to use this pic, because it was the only pic where you could see my shoes. i LOVED those shoes. Silver with sequency mirrory type things on it. Maybe a little slutty, maybe a little fashionable. I was going for fashionable, but whatever!

I've realized I have inherited my mom's picture taking skills. Not only do I never have pics of just me, but I take lousy pictures. What I mean is not only am I not photogenic ( this is not a statement so you will comment that I am photogenic) but my actual picture taking skills are crap. I never time it right, they are crooked, bad lighting, whatever..... anyways...this is me (now). I was in Key West. luv that place

This is a pic of the Duke and I at a beer festival. Hmmm... go figure. I realized that neither the Duke or I are photogenic, at least not in the same pic! We also don't have a lot of pics of just the two of us...we are always snapping of other people.

Well here they are pics of me...your weekend is now complete;)

BTW...this was the HARDEST, most TIME-CONSUMING post. What with all the scanning, enlarging, finding the damn photos, spacing..it was a nightmare!!! NIGHTMARE! You better enjoy the F***** thing:) Smiles

THE LADY JANE

Not Me Monday - Highland Festival edition

I am a total virgin at this "Not Me Monday".....but I loved it sooo much when Gina did it that I wanted to get on the bandwagon too...and what a bandwagon...last time at looked there was 500 people on Mr. Linky's that do it!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I am NOT sneaking to do this post before the Duke wakes up, because he and my parents did NOT have an intervention of sorts with me about the time I spend on the computer being in direct correalation with my weight gain ( that I have NOT been crying and complaining about for weeks now). I would NEVER complain about something and never do anything about it and drive everybody crazy with it. NOT ME.

I did NOT forget to change the oil in my new car. I certainly am not over 5,ooo miles past due. I would never do that because I know what happens when you do not change your oil ( sniff, sniff, my 1989 broncoII) I never NOT learn my lesson. I did NOT get a bunch of flak from my Dad and Duke about this. I did NOT get really mad at the Duke for bringing it up, I did NOT threatned bodily harm to him or tell him he would wish he was never born, and that our ride home was going to be hell...all 2 1/2 hrs. NOT ME!!

I did NOT sneak in alcohol into the Highland Festival Beer tent. Not ME!! They were NOT these cute little things of vodka called "porta shots" that the Duke's brother brought up from Florida. That is just childish. And I did NOT find total happinness when my friend and her husband who came with us pulled out a flask they snuck into the tent too. We would NEVER do this since that one year when we and a bunch of friends were caught using fake tickets to buy drinks and our friend who was working at the Beer tent got fired and we were almost banned. Like I said I NEVER not learn my lesson.

I definately did NOT throw up in my mouth at the Scotch tasting tent!! I did NOT say loudly enough for all the serious Scotch fantatics to hear that I thought it was the most disgusting thing I ever tasted! I did NOT take pics of everybody making the "Scotch face" after trying it. I certainly am NOT going to post them all over my facebook page for everyone to see...that's just being a bad friend.

At the end of the night I did NOT find Duke making friends with a Highland Steer and I definately did NOT freak out because he had half his body in the cage . The horns ( whatever they are called) were NOT the most mammoth things I have ever seen and could have pierced right through the Duke.!

I also did NOT laugh my ass off at the Duke when he ran around the track as fast as he can to prove his athletic ability all the while carrying his ciggarette. I did NOT make fun of his running for the rest of the night...NOT ME.

THE END

side note: I have been a terribly blogger this week and a not so great commenter. I will get back on track:))

The Lady Jane

Duke almost killed me, I have a sensi, and I have fallen in love

I am In Love!!! seriously IN LOVE!!! Picture me in a meadow twirling around with my arms outstretched and a huge smile ( maybe a little singing) with a ray of light shining down on just me!

Who is my heart beating for, you ask?

Well, its my very own iPhone!!!

I never want to let it out of my sight...it has everything I could ever dream of...it blows my mind! But, um...I am going to attend a workshop on how to use it Monday night because I am not so technologically savvy.

I could go on and on about all the apps and its different functions...but I got some more I want to tell ya about.

The Duke and I are starting to learn Tai Chi! We have this 71 year old Sensi ( the master of teaching) and to be perfectly honest he could kick both of our asses. He kept getting side tracked on "Warrior" type moves ..so I would encourage him to go on and then ask him to show me the moves on the Duke! Which was pretty effin' hilarious. I think that the Duke was pretty surprised that this old man could take him out in two moves!

This is supposed to help my mind, body and spirit all come together ( which I gotta tell ya, it better, because I'm feeling a little schizophrenic, a little crazy, some might say a little bitchy but whatevs...)

While we were at the Sensi's home he took us around the acres his house sits on and was pointing out the different weeds and plants and what they could be used for.

Let me pause here for a little background info-

On Friday night when I got home from work I was feeling pretty lousy, aunt Flo came for a visit ( unexpectedly I might add) so I had some mighty bad cramps. ya know the kind where it feels like your insides are in knots and someone is trying to pry them apart with a crow bar or heavy duty fingernails. Anyways, the Duke was feeling pretty bad for me and unbenownst to me he did some research on the web on what could help cramps. I saw him go outside and he comes in with what looked like weeds and starts to make tea out of them.

me: "Hey what are you doing with those weeds?"

Duke: " Well...I was feeling bad for you and I read that catnip tea helps relax the uterus and its supposed to make women feel better when ...ya...know"

me: " Awww...that is sooo sweet of you!! But..um ..I'm not sure about drinking something that was in our backyard and the dogs could have peed on."

Duke: " Oh, no it will be fine. It's boiling in hot water and I'm pretty sure the dogs hadn't peed on it"

me: " Uh..you don't know that for sure and how in the heck did you know that weed was in our back yard?"

Duke: " I'm smart like that...I pay attention to whats in our back yard and I look it up." ( big grin on his face) (Ahh..yes I do not doubt for a minute that the Duke does this because thats just like him)

me: " Don't cats get stoned on catnip? Am i going to?"

Duke " That would be cool if you did! Let me know if it does and I will make some for me too"

Well....I was hurting pretty bad and probably would have drank warm piss at this point if I thought it would make the cramps better. So I did it...and it wasn't too bad. I do think it made me feel a little groggy...maybe a little stoned ( or it was wishful thinking...)

So cut to Saturday as we were walking around with the Sensi.

Duke : " Hey I know what that is. Its catnip" pointing to a weed in the ground.

Sensi: " Nope not catnip...not sure which one that is"

Me: " What?!" then I looked at the Duke with my crazy eyes " That's not catnip? What did you give me? I could have been killed!"

Duke ( backing away from me): " Well, I THOUGHT it was catnip. Isn't it the thought that counts?"

Me: " Um...no! Not if I am dead!"

***But I did think it was cute that he tried to help with my womanly problems..love the Duke

Oh and BTW...anybody who has an iPhone ..is there a great app that you like?? ( not games) I'd love to know!!!

Have a great Monday...


The Lady Jane

Sexy time

Go check out LiLu's place for the rules...but if you know her and read me...then you already know them!!

So this is a different TMI story that I have posted previously...because its not just about me , its about the Duke too and it wasn't several years ago...it was today ( well Wednesday, that's when I;m writing this.)

Last night the Duke went to his "male bonding brew group" and made sausage or whatever men do together..grunt...fart..ya know. He came home very late and I was already asleep. So we didn't see each other all day...so I didn't tell him that I had a doctor's appt. the next day and wouldn't be going to work. I get up really early anyways...whether I go to work or not. So I am pretty sure that the Duke thought I went to work. So 10:00 came and he still hadn't got up for work..so I jumped on him in bed and scared him (actually yelped). I totally caught him not going to work cause he was hungover....(sorry getting a little off track )

Anyways..we were laying in bed joking

Duke: "Uh...hunny I got a problem." and then looked down to you know where and this is where the Duke would like me to desscribe it as HUGE, MASSIVE, an amazing site to behold. He had a boner.

Me: "uh..no..your stinky. You have been out all night, your dirty and smelly."

Duke: begged and pleaded and pleaded some more.

Me: "Ok...but we both need to shower " ( What can I tell ya fresh and clean is a turn on for me)

So both went to take showers ( yes we did take separate ones...not sure why looking back )

After he was done he was coming up the stairs and I was putting my sexy moves on him but he looked all sheepish ?! hmmm...odd.

So I started stepping up my game mauling, groping, whateves and then he started making excuses that he needed to "get to work." OK..now wait a minute...Duke does not turn down sex!! cue Twilight Zone music

Me: " Hey whats going on..???

Duke: got this embarrasses look on his face and started looking at his feet and mumbled something.

Me: "I didn't hear you."

Duke: So he mumbled a little louder " I did something in the shower I'm not proud of."

Me: Pausing to give thought to this statement and then I very loud "Bwaaaaaaaha ha" came out and it was hard to stop..he started too.

Duke " I told you that you should never let those things so to waste!" ( which that was one of his arguments when he was pleading for sex earlier)

Me: " You couldn't have waited 10 -15 minutes??"

Duke: "I tried, but you should never waste one...guys code. I t would have went away"

Me: "C'mon" ( in my sexy voice) more groping....

Duke: very sheepish " Um...I'm really tired....that actually took a lot out of me" (like he is all suprised by it...)

both died laughing and I made jokes at his expense all day!!

Happy almost Friday!!!

The Lady Jane

You suck Rite Aid!!

Dear Rite- Aid Pharmacy:

I have a bone to pick with you. I want to know who came up with the stupid idea of putting the customers money/credit card/debit card IN the prescription bag with the bottle of pills.

Really?!

You put the money/card in there and then shove a bunch of useless pamphlet information in there and the staple it all shut. WHY??? The card gets lost in all the pamphlets and well it shouldn't be in there anyways! It takes more effort to put it in the effin' bag then it does just to give it back to me!!

Why can't you to send the bag and the money/card through the drive through slot separately??

You see...I was very inconvenienced this morning when I went to the gas station on my way to work to grab one of their energy infused coffees....(I really needed that shockwave of coffee!) and then when it was time to pay, I couldn't find my debit card. ANYWHERE!! I spent so much time looking for it that I ended up being late to work and without having any of my shock wave coffee!! This was not good!

It was only after I gave up looking did it dawn on me that it was probably in the prescription bag. You see..you corporate monger..you have tricked me before with this sly move and I have thrown away precious cash!

I'm wondering if it is just you and maybe not all your other branches do it. I know one of you has a crush on the Duke.... are you doing this to mess with me???

Well, you didn't get me this time!! I hurried up and called the Duke and made him go out to the trash on the side of the road ( yes, it was trash day!) and search through the trash for that prescription bag that held my beloved debit card. So the joke's on you Rite Aid !!!! I got it and
I 'm not going to fall for your Shenanigans again. And the Duke's mad at you too now ...so watch out!

The Lady Jane ( who loved the idea of open letters that many bloggers do....oh, no is this plagiarizing??? gah.....I hope not...i don't want to be the latest sensation on the internet!!)

Its all fun and games until the dog gets hurt...

I'm feeling a little scatterbrained and so now my post is going to be too!!

Maybe I will put it in bullet form??? Yeah...that sounds good!

• Had Friday off of work!!! Went and treated myself to some much needed TLC including a mani and a pedi...ahhh Bliss


• The Duke got out of work a little early so we headed to the "Green Street Fair"..its art/environment friendly booths/and of course food. It was great except for the intermittent rain showers..that kinda sucked ass, but we did get tons of free stuff especially healthy dog treats ( lots of them!). We actually came home and baked some of our own...nerds huh?

• My parents came for a visit on Saturday( they live about 2 1/2 hours away) we went for an amazing breakfast at our favorite place.... and then my mom and I went shoe shopping **swoon**

(I could only get a pic of one of my purchases..camera died)

• It was national Brew Day yesterday - did ya know?? The Duke celebrated it in full force with friends. He started at noon at this store/place..whatevs...where they brew their own beer and lots of sampling. I didn't see Duke till very late and he was very drunk...at least no "dog bed incident this time"


• Sunday has been a bumming day...however...its not much of a day until I do something stupid. I went to the grocery store to get some stuff for dinner, did all the shopping went up to pay and um...no money. Whoops. I had taken a bike ride earlier and for some reson took my debit card with me ( not sure why, but whatevs) Apologized profusely...headed back home..ran into the house. up the stairs, grabbed the card, down the stairs and hit a wall of stank. Horrible stinky smell of shit. ( at this time let me tell ya that the DUKE had been bombing the house all day with these eye watering, gag inducing, farts ( brew day + Duke = one incredibly gassy guy). So up to this point I have been trying to dive these bombs .

(this may be a juvenile pic...but this is as close as I can get to describe what this day has been like)

But as I came down the stairs , he was coming out of the bathroom with a big stupid ass grin on his face! I made a mad dash for the door while plugging my nose and yelling "Get out of my way!" Duke enforced a full on press and wouldn't let me pass ( ya know, just to make sure I get a big whiff). A scuffle ensued..I was fighting for my life...Duke laughing his evil laugh and its all fun and games until the dog gets hurt. Yep...poor little JJ got caught in the scuffle and I stepped on his poor leg..**sniff** and now he is limping!!! All because of the Duke and his pride of being the Farting King!!

( Introducing JJ and Alexis ( lexi)...JJ is the little one that got caught in the farting stampede)

And now its Sunday night and tomorrow's Monday and I have to go to work... Damn IT!!

The Lady Jane

Cover has been blown!!!

Obviously you know that this blog is anonymous!
- NO pics
- I use a fake name ( Lady Jane is what my mom used to call me when I was in trouble growing up. Instead of using your first, middle , and last name as most parents do Nope...she just made up a whole new name altogether)


I have not told a single person in my real life about this blog and that is including the DUKE. Which is crazy because we tell each other everything..

the good ( "your so cute", "I got a raise", "your armpits look cool shaved")

the bad ("uhh..I lost the extra keys to the house", "yes, that was me who dented your car")

the ugly ( "you really need to go take a shower", "I have really bad diarrhea.")

You get my drift! So why may you ask I didn't tell him about the blog? I don't have a great answer for not telling him, but my reason for not telling anyone else is because I just wanted to carve out a little place in the world for little ol' me. I was selfish and really didn't want to let anyone else in, and really they know most the stories anyways. I loved the secrecy of it and if I was to be totally honest I harbored this fantasy that I would become a really big deal on the internet and get featured in a magazine or something or have like Ellen as a follower and I would be all" Oh, yeah, my blog. Yeah it is really big. I didn't tell you about it? Huh...sorry."

All those reason's are not the reason's I didn't tell the Duke.

Actually the Duke would have been fine with it and would even get some humor out of it. To tell the truth I'm not a 100% sure why I didn't tell him. I think I was meaning too...but I just didn't. I think I liked the cloak and dagger of it all!! Well...I suck at covering my tracks and have come to the sad realization that I would never be a good FBI agent, CIA, or anything else.

Because the DUKE found out and it wasn't because I told him. Damn him and his sleuthing ways...

I was out driving, doing something or another, when I get this phone call from him and the first thing he says..." Hey, its the Duke here!" Took me a minute to catch on and then it dawned on me...he found the blog!!!

Me: "Uhh...what???"

Duke: " So NOW i know why you have been spending so much time on the internet!"

Me: " Wait...what are you talking about?" ( Really I knew, but I was hoping just for a minute that he didn't actually find it and I totally misunderstood him and it was going to be like an episode of Full House or something....)

Duke: " I'm sitting here looking at stories of our life ON THE INTERNET!!" BTW..he is laughing. " I can't believe this"

and this is when he starts reading me excerpts from my posts... Ugh...and I felt really anxious because I had no control over what he was reading and I couldn't remember all that I had wrote..praying I wasn't forgetting a post where I totally slammed him ( of course I wouldn't do this...but it was a fleeting thought)

Duke " I can't believe you wrote about shoveling your own shit!!!" " Wait...is this?...(pause) you wrote about the tampon story??"

OK...at this time the only thing Duke became concerned with was how many posts he was in. He started flipping through the blog and counting the times mentioned and was actually very disappointed that he was only mentioned in a couple of posts....But he LOVES that his name is the Duke...he said " This makes me sound like I'm BIG from Sex and the city!" At this time I swear I heard his head getting bigger and bigger over the phone!

By the time I got home... The Duke had started his own blog and wanted to compete with mine...

Me: "Hunny, why is your blog called "The Drake Show"?

The Duke: "Uh...because that's the name you gave me on your blog!" while giving me the look like "Duh..."

Me: "Not Drake, hunny, Duke! Duke is what I call you."

The Duke: "aww..man!! Now it doesn't make any sense"

And that my friends was the extent of the Duke's blogging career.

THE LADY JANE

Oh Duke......

I woke up at 4 am this morning to find the Duke curled up on our bedroom FLOOR covered with Lexy's dog bed!! Seriously in our bedroom ..no lie...there is approximately 8 blankets which were an arms length away from him. Nope..he used Lexy's DOG BED!! I have to tell you, that Lexy stinks bad!! She is allergic to her own skin ( I know, poor baby)...this is not a dog bed to be curled up under.

So, of course, I kindly in my most of gentle of voices say to him " WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING DOWN THERE??? IS THAT A DOG BED?? OMG! GET THE HELL IN BED" then i storm down stairs to let the dogs out. Came up - he is still in the same position. So, whatevs, I go back to sleep. When I wake up a couple of hours later, the DUKE is now in bed with the DOG BED still on him!!!

The Duke drank a little too much of his homemade wine ( post for another day) in our garage chain-smoking with his friend.... Did I mention we live across the street from a bar? No? Well we do...handy but dangerous:)

See ya chicks later:) I need to go wash some sheets!

THE LADY JANE

Totally Awkward Tuesday (vol.2)

Sorry I'm so late posting for Totally Awkward Tuesday!!

( which the idea is credited to the Lovely Tova Darling..)

OK...so here is my totally awkward story...

I had been dating The Duke for like 2 months at this time. We were moving kind of fast in our relationship. Yeah, yeah..I know what your saying "fast" hmmhmm "I know what that means" and your totally right ...I was sooo easy and our first date actually lasted for three days and we moved in together after 5 months. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that we were moving at a good rate and we were getting to know eachother's quirks; even our bathroom habits but there is one thing a guy is never really ready for......

I was at work and I had heard my phone ring but I was busy and didn't answer it and I didn't check the message until I was on my way home from work. The message was from The Duke and he sounded really upset ( not like mad..but freaked out) I can't remember exactly what he said but it was something like " I realllly need to talk to you. You need to come to my place right after work." Huh?? So I tried calling him back and got his voicemail. So not thinking too much about it I made my way to his house and when I got there; there was a yellow "no crossing" tape across the front door ( ya know the kind that police use at a crime scene) and a note hanging from it.

I knew that The Duke owned tape like that from a past Halloween Party. So I walked up to the door and read the note. This is what it said:

" Lady Jane - call me as soon as you read this. I am at the coffee shop"

So I called again and this time The Duke answered.

The Duke: "R u home?"

Me: " Um..yeah. Why is there police tape across the door and why are you at the coffee shop?"

The Duke: "I am NOT going in the house. I don't know if I can ever go in the house again. I think I am traumatized"

Me: "What the hell happened? Is everything okay?"

The Duke:" I can't even talk about it. Go in the house and call me back"

So I don't know what to think at this moment..so I just go on in.

and that's when I saw what traumatized him and I totally understood.

Through out the living room...all over the place.

Was a week's worth of used, disgusting, bloody tampons!!!!

The dogs got in the trash and pulled them all out, some of them chewed up. And to top it all off there was a pile of puke where one of the dogs had obviously not digested said tampons. But the worst part was the smell...bloody tampons with a mix of vomit. Nice... with a touch of romance.

You can imagine..the phone call back to The Duke was at the very least AWKWARD!!!!

Happy Tuesday!!

The Lady Jane

Just a quickie

My boyfriend ( live in lover )..whatevs... I have been trying to come up with a name for him. So I decided on the The Duke. I'm The Lady Jane and normally in the olden times it would be the "Lord and Lady" but really, I can't bring myself to call him "My lord or The lord". I love him to bits, but lets get real. So The Duke it is.

Anyways... just a quickie on The Duke.

I was asking The Duke if he would take a pic of my "Muffin Top" for the contest. He got all crazy looking and put his hands over his ears and kept saying "Don't say that, Don't say that". So I said fine "Can you take a pic of my back fat?" I guess that wasn't good either..
Then he said " Hunny, thats like me telling you I joined a group to get rid of the wrinkles on my balls. There is just some things we don't need to take pics of."

He took the pics and he loved it!!!!

The Lady Jane