Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Totally Awkward Tuesday: Flying

I'mmmm baaaccckkkk!!!!!!!!

I will tell ya more on my Florida vacay a little later because its Totally Awkward Tuesday time and I do have a little story from my recent trip for you all.

Picture this:

It was the plane ride back home, I had the window on my left and a girl on my right ( she was about my age, early twenties...okay, okay....thirties...sheesh) .

Plane ride started out OK, about 30 minutes into the flight I had to take one of my antibiotics. I reached down into my bag to get them and as I was bringing the bottle up ...butter finger strikes and I drop the bottle and it rolled back under my seat...ugh!

The next 5 minutes I spent trying to reach under my seat trying to grab the bottle. 5 minutes may not seem long but it was an eternity

Especially when you have to bend over and either grab through your wide spread legs or turn your knees to one side and bend over and try to reach under. (So then your butt could possibly be staring them in the face)
Then you grunt a little as your trying to make your arms be go-go-gadget like due to having impossibly short arms.

Its just not graceful or becoming at all and definitely awkward.

i apologized to my neighbor for being disruptive and she offered to help me, but in the end I got it and went back to reading my book.

I was super exhausted and was starting to doze as I read and as I started to sleep.... purring followed ( Duke likes to call it snoring, but purring is a lot cuter. Even though Duke says what I do is no where near sounding cute...whatevs! post for another day)

I was trying so hard to fight the good fight with my eyes to keep open, but every now and then I would jolt myself awake with a snort...yes a snort!! ugh...embarrassing

I got a pop in an attempt to help wake me up. I put the tray down to set my pop on and it also was great to lean my book on why i read.

So as I was reading when the sleep fairies came again .....and no matter how much I fought them, they won out and the purring/snoring began again...

and then a big ol'snort!! awkward...

the kind that wakes you right up!! I jolted up right so hard that my book hit the tray which then knocked over my pop right into the girls lap next to me!! She jumped...I dropped my book when I went to grab the pop ( no luck)...pop everywhere...oopsie!

Ugh...I kept apologizing...waved to the flight attendant to come help us...she did and brought lots of napkins. The girl said it was OK...but I am positive she was annoyed by this time.

After we got cleaned up I knew that I had to use the bathroom but there is no way I wanted to ask the 2 people sitting in my row to get up now...I have already been such a pain in the butt. It wasn't too bad and I thought I would be fine until the plane landed.

After a few minutes of just sitting there perfectly still and trying not to be annoying, I still wanted to read my book that was now laying on the floor. Even though I didn't want to awkwardly bend over to get something under my seat, the need to know what was happening with the Edward/Bella/Jacob triangle was too hard to resist.

So I bent over to get the book when I ripped a fart. Yep...I ripped one. a minor stinky one.

I could have D.I.E.D from embarrassment right there on the spot! The worst thing...its not like you can blame someone else or move ( run) away from the person . You just have to sit there and endure...


If It wasn't awkward enough before it certainly was now!

I'm sure that girl had a story all about me when she got off that plane.

Happy Totally Awkward Tuesday! Go check out the rest of the awkward stories at Tova's place!!

The Lady Jane

Thursday, June 25, 2009


I'm on way to Florida!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Although your probably wondering why the hell I would head to Florida in the summer.

Crazy , I know. However, My BFF moved there last year (Orlando) and I miss her like crazy! I'm on summer break and its next to impossible to go during the school year and its cheaper.

So...Florida here I come!

I'm flying alone, which actually I like doing. I get to read a ton of meaningless magazines and read books that I have been coveting without having to make conversation with anyone else. Its nice to have that once in awhile.

Down side....

I'm me.

I get goofed up easily, I'm always late, I don't think things through, very forgetful, and I am tooooo laid back, etc.... all these things are not good when you are flying the friendly skies. Sometimes they are just not that friendly!

I do have some examples...Wanna hear them?

I'll make them short and sweet and to the point.

Example 1:

First time flying alone.

Destination: Washington DC for a friends wedding. I was a "reader" in the wedding so I needed to be there for the dress rehearsal.

My outfit still was not complete for the wedding, I still needed shoes. I thought I would stop at the mall before getting on the plane. Great idea....

Stopped at mall...shopping around and I ran into one of my friends.

friend: Hey I thought you were going to DC?

me: Oh I am. I just needed to get some shoes.

friend: What time is your flight?

me: 2pm

friend: WHAT? Your going to miss your flight!

me: No I won't, I have an hour.

friend: You have to check in your stuff still and go through security...you will never make it.

me: panicking!

I leave to go to the airport ( not before buying the shoes, of course!)

get into the car...no directions! I am so directionally challenged!

I call the airport...get directions. Proceeded to call back like 6 more times to see if the plane left.

For some reason in my head I was thinking I would just pull up to the airport, park, walk in and get on the plane.

Your probably wondering if I ever had been on a plane before...yep...several times.

My excuse...none. Sometimes..I just don't think.

Needless to say I missed my plane, which meant of course that I missed the rehearsal dinner and scared everybody as to my whereabouts.

Oh...I had also left my plane tickets at home...yeah I am that awesome!

Example #2

Destination: San Francisco to visit a friend

Brought an expired license instead of my current one. Why you may ask.... I couldn't find my current one and thought an expired one would work fine. Its not like I would be driving a car or anything. I had left packing until the last minute and didn't have time to look for my license...I needed to be there early ( I didn't want to miss my plane like last time. See...I do learn small lessons)

Fast forward...me trying to check in.

The guy wouldn't let me check in because my license was expired.

Big situation broke out...I went to another airline employee. That person thought I should be let on the plane. In his words "She isn't going to be flying the plane"
Argument broke out between the two about it...third person was called in...I was let on the plane. Had to run all they way there while the plane waited for me.

Want to know the funny thing....this was on my trip home. They obviously let me fly there on my expired license. Hmmph...

Example 3:

Destination: Key West - maid of honor in a wedding

Alarm did not go off in the morning ( thank goodness I am an early riser anyways)
freaked out...threw everything that wasn't packed yet into my carry on.

I'm sure you can guess what happened.

I totally forgot that everything in my carry on that is liquid like could not be bigger than 3.4 oz. Tears are starting to well up at thought of this.

I got to the security check and that is when I encountered the bitch from hell. This cold- hearted woman informs me that I broke all sorts of codes and proceeded to throw away all of my hair products, etc... right in front of me. I thought I was going to be sick! These products were not cheap...I spent money on them!
hair powder...gone
body lotion...gone
body scrub....gone

and let me tell ya she reveled in throwing this stuff away. She picked each one up, admired it, commented on what the cost of it was, then dropped it in the trash. She did this with every single thing. With everyone that was in line for security watching. It was painful....

and the most embarrassing moment... was when she picked up one of the items that I bought for my friends bachelorette party. This...

Dick Tasty

So here's to hoping that this little trip is uneventful!!!



Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Hey Everyone!!

Did you all hear about the big Perez vs. will.i.am big fight??

For those of you who don't know..Perez hilton is a Celebrity blogger and will.i.am is a member of the Black Eyed Peas.

Well if you haven't...I have a special treat for ya!

They both did video responses!!

How hilarious is that?

And the vlogs are pretty damn funny I thought. They are both delusional!

I had to post these videos because honestly....I'm just kinda stunned by them. I watched them earlier this morning...and I keep thinking about them! How pathetic is that?? So I had to share my horror with all of you!

First of all...I expect a video response from Perez because...well...thats what he does for a living. He makes his living off of drama ( no matter what he says in the video)


for will.i.am ...I guess I expected more from him. He is a musician and a very talented one. So, why he is stooping to do a video??? It doesn't sit right with me and it actually makes me have less respect for him.

If he said "that's cool" one more time during his video...well I don't really know, but It drove me batty.

Obviously..he didn't think any of it was really cool.

What really made me laugh was that Perez twittered about it during the whole fiasco!!

So without further ado...

Perez's response had to be broken into two parts. It's like a 11 minutes long...but its funny.

What do you think about these guys putting video responses on you tube???


Friday, June 19, 2009

knock, knock....housekeeping

Hello all my bloggy friends!!

First I want to thank everyone for their well-wishes on my leg!! Its still as gross as ever..in case anyone wondered! Blech....


I have been tagged on a few things and have also been given a few awards and since its more than I can ( or want) to put in one post ...I am going to split it up into two. Pure genius, I know!

So if you think I forgot your tag or award..I didn't! Sheesh, get off my back already. Don't ya know I'm gravely wounded!

On to the festivities!!!!

My first award today is from The Optimistic Pessimist !

She used to be known as Marathoner81 but since her blog has evolved and its no longer JUST about the NYC marathon ( which by the way, how cool is that?!) she updated her name.

Great blog, go check it out!

...I actually got it some time ago but I was waiting for a time like this when I could put a couple together and make it one ( or two) big events!!!

I got the "Your Blog is Fucking Fabulous"

Any award that has the F word in it is pretty fucking fabulous! Yeah I'm 12, I know!

Here are the rules:

List 5 of your current obsessions and then pass it on to 5 more fucking fabulous blogs

1) I am obsessed with Bath and Body work's Reed Diffusers!!

They are truly amazing! I bought a cinnamon scent reed diffuser at Christmas time - it was even 50% off and it is STILL smelling strong! I just went and bought a bunch more. It lasted for 6 months straight and is still as potent as when I first bought it. C'mon.....

2) I am in love with my Roomba and am pretty obsessed with it!

I use it every day...sometimes twice.

It is pretty f'ing fantastic and we have three animals and this little cutie patootie vacuum picks up everything! I just press the "clean" button with my toe and away she goes, while I sit back in the chair and give my self a slap on the back for working so hard keeping the house clean.

3) Avocados....what can I say? I love them!

4) My iphone. Yep, still. I know I did a post about how much I loved it and that love has not faded!

5) Reading blogs...sheesh! Thank god I'm on summer break:)

So here are my five blogs that I am passing this award to!! Give it a good home girls...

Kellie at Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Fidgeting Gidget
Mean Girl Garage

Next is a picture tag from Amber at Life As We Know It

( she is adorable...you will see what I mean when you go stop by her blog after this...hint)

The rules are:

1. Open your first photo folder

2. Scroll to the 10th picture

3. Post that photo and story on your blog

4. Tag 5 other blogger friends to do the same

What a weird pic for my 10th picture to be!!

Back story to pic...

this was a couple of years ago and it was our last day of school. Our principal ( who no one liked and since has been fired) had an End of the Year party at his house. It was kind of a mandated thing so we all brought a bunch of alcohol and became snockered!! ( my mom uses this word...I thought I would give it a test run)

Several people at the party went out on the boat later in the evening but about 5 of us stayed back. For some reason we thought stealing a lawn ornament from our principals neighbor's yard would be hilarious ( and actually it was!)

So we came up with a stealth plan for our mission and this picture is two of my awesome girlfriends doing the army crawl into the neighbors yard to steal the ugly gnome!

Mission Accomplished!

And yes, these people teach your kids...

The five blogs I tag for this are **drum roll**

Sassy B
My Wooden Heart

I also received this awesome award from Fidgeting Gidget!!

She just had her one-year anniversary... so go tell her congratulations!!

This came with no rules...so I am just going to keep it all to myself ( at least for right now)

I'm whipped..off to bed I go!

Part two will be coming in a couple of days... Don't get all crazy on me


Monday, June 15, 2009

Drinking and walking do not mix


If you do not like the sight of blood do not go any further....there are pictures attached that may make you vomit...just sayin'

If you do decide to keep reading and do vomit...don't say I didn't warn you.


Long story short...I got completely bombed on Saturday night at my friends party.

Yep...completely bombed

( which by he way it was a GREAT party! Food, drinks, and a DJ...what more could ya want?)

Anyways I was very drunk and it was 3 in the morning when the Duke and I decided to go home ( well to my parents house - we were about 3 hours from our actual house)

and as we were walking out the garage door I was simultaneously turning around to say some witty comment upon my exit when I hit the cement step and fell. I landed with a thud, sat stunned...and then started laughing uncontrollably!! I couldn't stop.

I do this whenever I fall or I see someone else fall. To me it is the most hilarious thing ever and No it does not matter if they are really hurt or not. Awful, I know.

I guess nobody really saw me fall except the Duke. He made sure I was OK and then we both laughed all the way to the car..which was actually quite a ways. When we got in, I bent down to see my leg because I was pretty sure I had a nasty bruise. However, when I touched it..it was wet and gooey!

I turned to the Duke and held up my hand and said "Is this blood?"

Duke freaked out because when he turned on the light in the car..there was lots of blood..lots.
He pulled the car up to the house and ran to get some bandages, towels, whatever...

Everyone then came running out the house and they totally freaked on me!

Saying things like

"OMG..its like a piece of meat is hanging off!"

"we need bandages..STAT"

"i'm gonna faint"


As for me I was still laughing.... I felt like it was all I could do.

They did bandage me up..see pic below..and off to the hospital I went.

**amazing, the things you can do with Duct tape**

Yes..my foot is swollen...I do not have cankles.

The Duke did make a pit stop at my parent's house to pick them up so they could actually drive us there..because the Duke had a lot to drink too and they are luck was going we didn't want to chance it.

Its always nice to surprise your parents with a trip to the ER at 3:30 in the morning!
I wish I could say that was first time...but that's for another post.

Are you ready for the pics??? Remember I did warn you!

I am going to rock the mini skirt this summer..fo sho

For some reason ( read..pain meds) I was making the Duke and my mom give two thumbs up. I made them do this pose like 5 times. Why...who knows?

At 6:30 am I was finally let go and all they did was put a bandage on. I guess they couldn't "salvage" my skin..so they referred me to a wound clinic. Seriously??

I went to the "wound clinic" today. Apparently they have to leave the wound open and let the skin die off. DIE OFF??!!

I have a huge ass dressing that I have to change twice a day, a ruined pair of jeans, blood soaked shoes..that I am pretty sure a ruined too , blood in my new Escape, and I can't swim all summer.

Oh yeah...I am totally bruised up to my thigh and I have a Hematoma on the other leg too.

Yay for my first day of summer break!!

Moral of the story: Don't try to be funny, just look where you are walking.


Saturday, June 13, 2009

the campaign of all campaigns!!!

Ladies ( and gentlemen - I think there are a couple)

There is a movement, a crusade, a battle, if you will, that is beginning to sweep the nation ( with your help, of course!)

My bloggy friend Sassy Britches told us about a campaign that they tried to start in college and I have to tell you I jumped on this idea faster than I do a cheeseburger after a night of drinking!! and let me tell ya...that's fast!! The Duke can attest.

Well Sassy had a lot of responses to her post from women across the US...so she has made it official and the war has begun!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know! I'm sure your like "For the love all things Holy..tell us already!"

so without further ado, I give you the


Oh yes! You read it right!!

As soon as I read her story about her college attempt - I was all "OMG...I think about that all the time!!"

I mean really....do they think a good "shake" takes care of all the pee droplets?? Yeah..a few go on the back of the toilet or if I am really lucky and they are a little over zealous with the shaky shake and I can even get it on the vanity or the wall!

Seriously...why would they ever think it would be okay not to wipe???

a dab or two..c'mon! It would be as quick as a good jiggle and CLEANER I might add!!!

Lets not even get to the topic of underwear spottage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So anyways....SPREAD THE WORD!!!

Go grab a button at Sassy's...like Now!!


We are women hear us ROAR!

yeah...i'm a little excited.

editors note** there has been a controversy about the spelling of Weiner..German vs. English.."I" before "e"...yadda yadda. We like Weiner...Sassy looked it up ..its all good.

Sorry about the spacing on the 2nd half...Blogger won't change it for me! Anyone alse having spacing issues?


Sunday, June 7, 2009


As promised pics of me since I have now hit my 100 followers mark!!! Did you think i forgot, or just plain forgot about this blog??!! I didn't!! Just finishing up school...3 days!!

Anyways on with the show...

I always love seeing pics of other people, so why not do it myself. I already told ya , i am not photogenic. I did add some prom/homecoming pics because i loved it when other people have lately, in honor of prom season! And you know to liven it up instead of seeing just a crappy old pic of me. I didn't have much here...most is it my parent house and they live three hours away. best I could do...deal with it!

To start us off...how about a hoop skirt?! Ah yes people I wore a hoop skirt. It was 1989 and I was the freshman representative on the Homecoming court ( hence the tiara) and we had to wear a hoop formal dress. it was an unwritten rule ( which I broke later...read on) I look like little BO-peep but I swear it was cool then!!

My mom always forgot to take pictures of just me before the dance. It was really because of two reasons a) i always ran late and was never ready when my date showed up and b) we were the house where everybody came to get their pics taken. my mom doted over everyone...which is why there was always more pics of other people then me and my date. But it was fun

This picture was actually taken like two weeks after the dance on a random Saturday. Mom felt bad that there wasn't any pics of just me so she made me put on my dress to take pictures... which is the reason for the bad hair!


Sophomore homecoming, 1990. I loved this dress. it was midnight blue velvet with a completely open back. True to form my mom didn't get pics of just me before the dance, so this picture was taken after i came home. Which is why I look a little drunk, tired, whatevs and I am holding my wrist corsage. What do you think of the owl pics in the background?? awesome, huh?

This is my senior year homecoming. Circa 1992 . Yes, I am wearing Tiara again...homecoming court. What?? You laughing at my fake diamond encrusted tiara?? I rocked them, what can i say. This is a rare time that my mom actually took a pic of just me before the dance. You can't see it, but this dress was NOT floor length. This was a first for someone being on the court. It was actually higher in front and lower in back. Scandal I tell you, I was the talk of the town!!

This is from my senior prom. 1993, baby!! We had just been crowned the King and Queen. ( what can i say, they liked me, really liked me!! aka Sally field...nevermind )

This is my ex- we were together for MANY years. I will think up a suitable name for him...later. This is the only pic of us with our king and queen stuff on....together at least. I wanted to use this pic, because it was the only pic where you could see my shoes. i LOVED those shoes. Silver with sequency mirrory type things on it. Maybe a little slutty, maybe a little fashionable. I was going for fashionable, but whatever!

I've realized I have inherited my mom's picture taking skills. Not only do I never have pics of just me, but I take lousy pictures. What I mean is not only am I not photogenic ( this is not a statement so you will comment that I am photogenic) but my actual picture taking skills are crap. I never time it right, they are crooked, bad lighting, whatever..... anyways...this is me (now). I was in Key West. luv that place

This is a pic of the Duke and I at a beer festival. Hmmm... go figure. I realized that neither the Duke or I are photogenic, at least not in the same pic! We also don't have a lot of pics of just the two of us...we are always snapping of other people.

Well here they are pics of me...your weekend is now complete;)
BTW...this was the HARDEST, most TIME-CONSUMING post. What with all the scanning, enlarging, finding the damn photos, spacing..it was a nightmare!!! NIGHTMARE! You better enjoy the F***** thing:) Smiles