Friday, May 29, 2009

First guest post!

I'm guest posting for the TOVA MOVING EXTRAVAGANZA is going up at 9:30 am there!!! Or be square! ( sorry couldn't resist!)

One word for ya...thongs....

Thursday, May 28, 2009


End of the year is always a CRAZY place at work..which means not a whole lot of posting. I'm pretty swamped but have made some time to make comments just not the time to put thought into a post. I'm sure you get it! I am hoping that it is a busy time for lots of youtoo because....... I only received 9 comments on my last post!! Say What?


I'm going to pretend that something was wrong with your computers or you have a migraine and you can't even remotely look at a computer screen because it feels like it will blow up your brain, or maybe you sprained both your wrists and your just resting them right now. Yep... that's what I am going to believe. Humor me!

Anyways...I do have some great posts coming...the Duke is going to wish he never saw this blog...!

And as a bonus I decided when I first started this anonymous blog that whenever I got to a 100 posts or a 100 followers I would post a picture of muah!! Yeah I know...your super excited and are about to break out singing the Pointer Sister song because I am at

** drumroll please...** 96 followers!!!

I can't believe it came that fast..I started this little ol'blog in March.

Hmmm...I'm going to have to find a pic. I am NOT photogenic! I know people say that but I really am not. Seriously!

Anyways in other bloggy news..(I think it may be tomorrow or sometime soon) I will be kicking off the TOVA DARLING MOVING EXTRAVAGENZA with a guest post!! Yay!! I will let ya know when its the official day! of course.

I need to get off this damn computer now because a) its making me fat and B) I have work to be done. Only 9 more school days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Booya!

The Lady Jane

Monday, May 25, 2009

Not Me Monday - Highland Festival edition

I am a total virgin at this "Not Me Monday".....but I loved it sooo much when Gina did it that I wanted to get on the bandwagon too...and what a bandwagon...last time at looked there was 500 people on Mr. Linky's that do it!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I am NOT sneaking to do this post before the Duke wakes up, because he and my parents did NOT have an intervention of sorts with me about the time I spend on the computer being in direct correalation with my weight gain ( that I have NOT been crying and complaining about for weeks now). I would NEVER complain about something and never do anything about it and drive everybody crazy with it. NOT ME.

I did NOT forget to change the oil in my new car. I certainly am not over 5,ooo miles past due. I would never do that because I know what happens when you do not change your oil ( sniff, sniff, my 1989 broncoII) I never NOT learn my lesson. I did NOT get a bunch of flak from my Dad and Duke about this. I did NOT get really mad at the Duke for bringing it up, I did NOT threatned bodily harm to him or tell him he would wish he was never born, and that our ride home was going to be hell...all 2 1/2 hrs. NOT ME!!

I did NOT sneak in alcohol into the Highland Festival Beer tent. Not ME!! They were NOT these cute little things of vodka called "porta shots" that the Duke's brother brought up from Florida. That is just childish. And I did NOT find total happinness when my friend and her husband who came with us pulled out a flask they snuck into the tent too. We would NEVER do this since that one year when we and a bunch of friends were caught using fake tickets to buy drinks and our friend who was working at the Beer tent got fired and we were almost banned. Like I said I NEVER not learn my lesson.

I definately did NOT throw up in my mouth at the Scotch tasting tent!! I did NOT say loudly enough for all the serious Scotch fantatics to hear that I thought it was the most disgusting thing I ever tasted! I did NOT take pics of everybody making the "Scotch face" after trying it. I certainly am NOT going to post them all over my facebook page for everyone to see...that's just being a bad friend.

At the end of the night I did NOT find Duke making friends with a Highland Steer and I definately did NOT freak out because he had half his body in the cage . The horns ( whatever they are called) were NOT the most mammoth things I have ever seen and could have pierced right through the Duke.!

I also did NOT laugh my ass off at the Duke when he ran around the track as fast as he can to prove his athletic ability all the while carrying his ciggarette. I did NOT make fun of his running for the rest of the night...NOT ME.


side note: I have been a terribly blogger this week and a not so great commenter. I will get back on track:))

The Lady Jane

Monday, May 18, 2009

I do kiss and tell

The new season of the Bachelorette is here...really I don't give a flying f***, ( used to be addicted to the Bachelor/Bachelorette shows, but that stopped a long time ago) now I am on to better reality shows. Oh yeah I didn't give up reality shows ..just this particular one.

Anyways where was I going with this...oh yeah..I was reading a blog post at Fleur-de-licious and she was saying that she knows someone that knows one of the guys on the bachelorette. Which reminded me of my own connection with a past contestant.

Picture this....

I was sitting on my bed doing something..I don't know work, listing what I ate that day, a plan to save the world..I can't remember. What I do remember is being excited about Season 3 of the Bachelorette starting... with Jen Scheft. So the first show is all about seeing who the guys are that are vying for her affection and their 15 minutes of fame.

They are showing clips of each guy talking about himself...

Blah, Blah, from so and so who is a pharmaceutical rep ( isn't everyone on that show..girl or guy)

Bobby Jo from some big city who is a rodeo clown ( they always have one with a weird occupation)

Michael from somewhere no one has ever heard of who is a teacher ( the token one that is full of heart, no money in the bank, but just wants to help others and is looking for love...the sap)

When I almost choked on my bedtime snack!

Wait!!! Back-up!! I know that guy...I've kissed that guy...I hid from that guy and he is no sweet ol' boy trying to do good!

Oh, no he's not!!!

Let me give ya the 411 on how I met this dude ( yep, I said dude)

It was memorial day weekend and one of my guy friends had invited me up to his family's place up north. I've known this guy for years. We went to high school together, his parents are friends with my parents, I even threw him a baby shower for the girl he knocked up that he had no romantic relationship with. In short, he is one of my best friends...but he is flipping crazy and that is why I love him. Crazies attract crazies and there is always a good time to be had by all.

So too make a long weekend of drinking and being stupid short...I am only going to tell the one part that is the whole reason I am doing the post.

There was a friend of J's ( my guy friend) there for the weekend. He was a big guy, one of those body builder types!! We started drinking as soon as we got there and the more we drank the CRAZIER he got. I know, I know your probably saying duh, that's what you do when you are drinking a lot. What I'm saying is that he got CRAZY, not drunk. He said he didn't drink " His body is his temple" or some shit like that...But he started to get the wild eyes, flexing, and making all these weird grunts. He would continually chase me around because he wanted to bench press me, lift me over his head, see how far he could throw me ( I was all of 96 lbs then) andat one point I thought he might eat me ( he was licking his lips a lot).
It was on the last night there that he cornered me and mashed his face on mine. He probably called it a kiss, I call it a mash. No pleasure at all, only pain. I was squirming and then my girlfriend saw me and saved me. Thank God, because I was pretty sure that my teeth were coming through my lips at one point.

Then it all finally made sense, when we overheard him offer a couple of the guys GHB ( the date rape drug). Bingo. Guy on date rape drug = crazy! Then I freaked that he put something in my my drink, but then my friend pointed out that when he was pulverizing my face with his lips I probably wouldn't haven't been trying to get away. I've never been slipped a rooghy ( well, i don't think so. I was hoping I had before because of some really bad-hook-ups, but I looked up the signs and nope..I wasn't drugged just too wasted with a bad case of beer goggles)..sorry getting side tracked again.

My friend and I found his duffel bag and looked through it ( hey, we were curious and it seemed like a brilliant idea to investigate this guy more) and there was a ton of pills in there, and hypodermic needles ( steroids). No wonder he didn't drink, he had a freakin pharmacy in there!

So back to the bachelorette. When he came on saying he was a teacher and looking for love, just a nice guy...blah...blah. I seriously started laughing until I almost puked. Of course I called my friend and had her check out the show to make sure I was right. I was.. he just looked different when he wasn't grunting and trying to break me in half!

He was pretty normal, maybe a little tooo sappy but way different then the guy I met the year before. I spoke with J who stated that this guy wasn't really a teacher either...he had substitute taught but that was all...

Yuck...I better get ready for work...later!

The Lady Jane

Sunday, May 17, 2009

I have no idea what to title this??!!

I think this is going to be one of those posts that is going to be random...I'm thinking bullet point. It might be easier for you all to follow my ramblings. Just an FYI..its not going to be witty either because....

  • I'm dyin......of PAIN!! Ok, this is how I know I am seriously out of shape ( I knew I was but this even surprised me) I am in some serious, drug needing, pain from Tai Chi!!
Yeah, Tai Chi

A person doing tai chi moves his body slowly and gently, while breathing deeply and meditating (tai chi is sometimes called "moving meditation")

I know it is also considered a "combat style" but the above description is what I am doing!

How embarrassing! I am going to hide my face from the world ( probably under a blanket and on top of a heating pad....just sayin'. ) So as if wasn't feeling bad enough I took a break from this post to go read some other blogs and that's when I read this by my lovely bloggy friend Gina! Talk about just rubbing my face right in the doo - doo. I know, i know this post didn't actually exist when she wrote it but my face still feels like it has doo - doo on it!
I need to keep moving on...because I don't know how much typing my poor arms can take. Seriously...

  • Update on my Rite Aid Sucks post - If you haven't looked in the comments section lately (c'mon I know you all can't get enough of me and you read the comment section when I have not posted...just admit it. Trust me you feel better) But just in case you are one of the rare few who do not do this.... This is the comment
Hi "Lady Jane,"

I'm sorry to hear about your experience. This is not a policy, and I'd like to investigate. Would you please call me and share where and when this occurred so that I may pursue.

Thanks in advance for your time,

Eric Harkreader
Rite Aid Public Relations
(717) 975-5713

I'm totally going to call him...but I only remember on the weekend when Eric isn't working. **lightbulb** I will put a reminder in my lovely i-phone. So I guess this kind of sucks an update when I haven't actually called him yet...consider it part 2 on my revenge on Rite-Aid.

  • Update on EMO kid ( you can read up on him here and here) .....he was locked up for like 3 weeks and he returned Friday...ugh. He shaved off all his hair and he wore NO makeup . He made this big apology, I think its the honey moon period..but I am trying to stay positive. he will not kill me, he will not kill me

  • Only 17 more school days until I am FREE!!!! For a whole 2 1/2 months!!! I would start dancing...but ya know...I'm in pain
Need to go get some ice packs! I'm out....


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Totally Awkward Tuesday: Who the hell is this?

Sad news first, Awkward news second...

this is the last Totally Awkward Tuesday for awhile...not forever!! Just until Ms. Tova Darling comes back and says "Game On". She is moving to a different state and has a ton on her plate. However, tre' exciting for her!!!!!!

I wasn't going to post today but since this is it for awhile...I wanted to do the honor of posting one more "Totally Awkward Tuesday" and since this just happened yesterday...I though it might fit the bill.

The Duke and I got this in the mail yesterday....

Nice, huh?? Beautiful invitation, looks exciting...I mean its in Hilton Head!!!

But there is one thing wrong with this....

We don't know who the hell these people are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( Awkward, yes?)

As you can see there is even a picture with the invitation on one of those magnets you can put on the fridge so you won't forget the date ...obviously we need this because we FORGOT THE PEOPLE ALL TOGETHER!!

You might wonder if they just sent it to the wrong address of the person with the same name but...(insert buzzer sound) NOPE. It had BOTH of our names on it and we have different last names. Way too random.

I've been to a million weddings ( slight exaggeration) but A LOT and I have personally been IN 20 weddings ( FYI...I did a post about this...just sayin') So I know that wedding guest lists are really difficult and USUALLY you don't invite people you hardly know, but whatevs I guess.

Then I read the post card that came with it - you can see the pic...but I'm going to write it out so you can digest every sweet little word of it.

Many of our guests have enquired
For a gift idea to be inspired

Like many young couples today
We have most things anyway

If you would like to give, it is our request

For something for our Treasure Chest

A gift of Money you can afford
Is just what we need you can be assured

Without the help of this little pun
Our honeymoon would not be fun.

R they saying they can't have a honeymoon unless they get some money? Oh wait..they just won't have a fun honeymoon, yeah thats it!!

****and just to be sure- they put there address on the back in case you can't come. Klassy!

Hopefully, I will get to the bottom of it and find out who these people are and why they want my money!!

I hope they don't read blogs and see their invitation...that might be a little awkward

The Lady Jane

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Duke almost killed me, I have a sensi, and I have fallen in love

I am In Love!!! seriously IN LOVE!!! Picture me in a meadow twirling around with my arms outstretched and a huge smile ( maybe a little singing) with a ray of light shining down on just me!

Who is my heart beating for, you ask?

Well, its my very own iPhone!!!

I never want to let it out of my has everything I could ever dream blows my mind! But, um...I am going to attend a workshop on how to use it Monday night because I am not so technologically savvy.

I could go on and on about all the apps and its different functions...but I got some more I want to tell ya about.

The Duke and I are starting to learn Tai Chi! We have this 71 year old Sensi ( the master of teaching) and to be perfectly honest he could kick both of our asses. He kept getting side tracked on "Warrior" type moves I would encourage him to go on and then ask him to show me the moves on the Duke! Which was pretty effin' hilarious. I think that the Duke was pretty surprised that this old man could take him out in two moves!

This is supposed to help my mind, body and spirit all come together ( which I gotta tell ya, it better, because I'm feeling a little schizophrenic, a little crazy, some might say a little bitchy but whatevs...)

While we were at the Sensi's home he took us around the acres his house sits on and was pointing out the different weeds and plants and what they could be used for.

Let me pause here for a little background info-

On Friday night when I got home from work I was feeling pretty lousy, aunt Flo came for a visit ( unexpectedly I might add) so I had some mighty bad cramps. ya know the kind where it feels like your insides are in knots and someone is trying to pry them apart with a crow bar or heavy duty fingernails. Anyways, the Duke was feeling pretty bad for me and unbenownst to me he did some research on the web on what could help cramps. I saw him go outside and he comes in with what looked like weeds and starts to make tea out of them.

me: "Hey what are you doing with those weeds?"

Duke: " Well...I was feeling bad for you and I read that catnip tea helps relax the uterus and its supposed to make women feel better when ...ya...know"

me: " Awww...that is sooo sweet of you!! ..I'm not sure about drinking something that was in our backyard and the dogs could have peed on."

Duke: " Oh, no it will be fine. It's boiling in hot water and I'm pretty sure the dogs hadn't peed on it"

me: " don't know that for sure and how in the heck did you know that weed was in our back yard?"

Duke: " I'm smart like that...I pay attention to whats in our back yard and I look it up." ( big grin on his face) (Ahh..yes I do not doubt for a minute that the Duke does this because thats just like him)

me: " Don't cats get stoned on catnip? Am i going to?"

Duke " That would be cool if you did! Let me know if it does and I will make some for me too"

Well....I was hurting pretty bad and probably would have drank warm piss at this point if I thought it would make the cramps better. So I did it...and it wasn't too bad. I do think it made me feel a little groggy...maybe a little stoned ( or it was wishful thinking...)

So cut to Saturday as we were walking around with the Sensi.

Duke : " Hey I know what that is. Its catnip" pointing to a weed in the ground.

Sensi: " Nope not catnip...not sure which one that is"

Me: " What?!" then I looked at the Duke with my crazy eyes " That's not catnip? What did you give me? I could have been killed!"

Duke ( backing away from me): " Well, I THOUGHT it was catnip. Isn't it the thought that counts?"

Me: "! Not if I am dead!"

***But I did think it was cute that he tried to help with my womanly the Duke

Oh and BTW...anybody who has an iPhone there a great app that you like?? ( not games) I'd love to know!!!

Have a great Monday...

The Lady Jane

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Sexy time

Go check out LiLu's place for the rules...but if you know her and read me...then you already know them!!

So this is a different TMI story that I have posted previously...because its not just about me , its about the Duke too and it wasn't several years was today ( well Wednesday, that's when I;m writing this.)

Last night the Duke went to his "male bonding brew group" and made sausage or whatever men do together..grunt...fart..ya know. He came home very late and I was already asleep. So we didn't see each other all I didn't tell him that I had a doctor's appt. the next day and wouldn't be going to work. I get up really early anyways...whether I go to work or not. So I am pretty sure that the Duke thought I went to work. So 10:00 came and he still hadn't got up for I jumped on him in bed and scared him (actually yelped). I totally caught him not going to work cause he was hungover....(sorry getting a little off track )

Anyways..we were laying in bed joking

Duke: "Uh...hunny I got a problem." and then looked down to you know where and this is where the Duke would like me to desscribe it as HUGE, MASSIVE, an amazing site to behold. He had a boner.

Me: " stinky. You have been out all night, your dirty and smelly."

Duke: begged and pleaded and pleaded some more.

Me: "Ok...but we both need to shower " ( What can I tell ya fresh and clean is a turn on for me)

So both went to take showers ( yes we did take separate ones...not sure why looking back )

After he was done he was coming up the stairs and I was putting my sexy moves on him but he looked all sheepish ?! hmmm...odd.

So I started stepping up my game mauling, groping, whateves and then he started making excuses that he needed to "get to work." wait a minute...Duke does not turn down sex!! cue Twilight Zone music

Me: " Hey whats going on..???

Duke: got this embarrasses look on his face and started looking at his feet and mumbled something.

Me: "I didn't hear you."

Duke: So he mumbled a little louder " I did something in the shower I'm not proud of."

Me: Pausing to give thought to this statement and then I very loud "Bwaaaaaaaha ha" came out and it was hard to stop..he started too.

Duke " I told you that you should never let those things so to waste!" ( which that was one of his arguments when he was pleading for sex earlier)

Me: " You couldn't have waited 10 -15 minutes??"

Duke: "I tried, but you should never waste one...guys code. I t would have went away"

Me: "C'mon" ( in my sexy voice) more groping....

Duke: very sheepish " Um...I'm really tired....that actually took a lot out of me" (like he is all suprised by it...)

both died laughing and I made jokes at his expense all day!!

Happy almost Friday!!!

The Lady Jane

Monday, May 4, 2009

You suck Rite Aid!!

Dear Rite- Aid Pharmacy:

I have a bone to pick with you. I want to know who came up with the stupid idea of putting the customers money/credit card/debit card IN the prescription bag with the bottle of pills.


You put the money/card in there and then shove a bunch of useless pamphlet information in there and the staple it all shut. WHY??? The card gets lost in all the pamphlets and well it shouldn't be in there anyways! It takes more effort to put it in the effin' bag then it does just to give it back to me!!

Why can't you to send the bag and the money/card through the drive through slot separately??

You see...I was very inconvenienced this morning when I went to the gas station on my way to work to grab one of their energy infused coffees....(I really needed that shockwave of coffee!) and then when it was time to pay, I couldn't find my debit card. ANYWHERE!! I spent so much time looking for it that I ended up being late to work and without having any of my shock wave coffee!! This was not good!

It was only after I gave up looking did it dawn on me that it was probably in the prescription bag. You corporate have tricked me before with this sly move and I have thrown away precious cash!

I'm wondering if it is just you and maybe not all your other branches do it. I know one of you has a crush on the Duke.... are you doing this to mess with me???

Well, you didn't get me this time!! I hurried up and called the Duke and made him go out to the trash on the side of the road ( yes, it was trash day!) and search through the trash for that prescription bag that held my beloved debit card. So the joke's on you Rite Aid !!!! I got it and
I 'm not going to fall for your Shenanigans again. And the Duke's mad at you too now watch out!

The Lady Jane ( who loved the idea of open letters that many bloggers do....oh, no is this plagiarizing??? gah.....I hope not...i don't want to be the latest sensation on the internet!!)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Its all fun and games until the dog gets hurt...

I'm feeling a little scatterbrained and so now my post is going to be too!!

Maybe I will put it in bullet form??? Yeah...that sounds good!
  • Had Friday off of work!!! Went and treated myself to some much needed TLC including a mani and a pedi...ahhh Bliss

  • The Duke got out of work a little early so we headed to the "Green Street Fair"..its art/environment friendly booths/and of course food. It was great except for the intermittent rain showers..that kinda sucked ass, but we did get tons of free stuff especially healthy dog treats ( lots of them!). We actually came home and baked some of our own...nerds huh?

  • My parents came for a visit on Saturday( they live about 2 1/2 hours away) we went for an amazing breakfast at our favorite place.... and then my mom and I went shoe shopping **swoon**

(I could only get a pic of one of my died)

  • It was national Brew Day yesterday - did ya know?? The Duke celebrated it in full force with friends. He started at noon at this store/place..whatevs...where they brew their own beer and lots of sampling. I didn't see Duke till very late and he was very least no "dog bed incident this time"

  • Sunday has been a bumming day...however...its not much of a day until I do something stupid. I went to the grocery store to get some stuff for dinner, did all the shopping went up to pay and money. Whoops. I had taken a bike ride earlier and for some reson took my debit card with me ( not sure why, but whatevs) Apologized profusely...headed back home..ran into the house. up the stairs, grabbed the card, down the stairs and hit a wall of stank. Horrible stinky smell of shit. ( at this time let me tell ya that the DUKE had been bombing the house all day with these eye watering, gag inducing, farts ( brew day + Duke = one incredibly gassy guy). So up to this point I have been trying to dive these bombs .

(this may be a juvenile pic...but this is as close as I can get to describe what this day has been like)

But as I came down the stairs , he was coming out of the bathroom with a big stupid ass grin on his face! I made a mad dash for the door while plugging my nose and yelling "Get out of my way!" Duke enforced a full on press and wouldn't let me pass ( ya know, just to make sure I get a big whiff). A scuffle ensued..I was fighting for my life...Duke laughing his evil laugh and its all fun and games until the dog gets hurt. Yep...poor little JJ got caught in the scuffle and I stepped on his poor leg..**sniff** and now he is limping!!! All because of the Duke and his pride of being the Farting King!!

( Introducing JJ and Alexis ( lexi)...JJ is the little one that got caught in the farting stampede)

And now its Sunday night and tomorrow's Monday and I have to go to work... Damn IT!!

The Lady Jane

Friday, May 1, 2009

Confession Friday: Keys are my Nemesis!!!

Just like the title states:

Keys are my Nemesis!!

I have soooo many key related stories and NONE of them are good. Everybody who knows me...KNOWS that I should not be entrusted with any kind of key for any reason, any time!! Seriously!

So here is Lady Jane's 2,890,560 entry into the lost, misplaced. damaged, broke, etc... KEY CHRONICLES

And this is my Confession: I totally threw my co-worker under the bus, or rather I just let the bus keep running over her...

I know, I know...I feel awful!!!!!!

Here's the story....

In the program that I am based out of there is the teacher, me (social worker) and two para pros. The teacher and I have keys to the doors and filing cabinets. There is also an extra set in a drawer in the teacher's case one of the Para's need one.

Some time last week I needed to open up a filing cabinet and instead of walking to my desk in the other room ( because I am that lazy) I used the extra set in the desk and true to form..I pocketed it afterwards without thinking.

Cut to Wednesday of this week:

I come into the classroom after being away in the morning for meetings and hear this loud DRILLING....the maintenance guy is there drilling the lock of the filing cabinet. Huh? I saw the teacher and raised my whats going on here? She comes over very briskly and kind of dramatic like and proceeds to tell me that the keys are missing from her desk and that she knows that one of the para's lost it even though she is saying she didn't.

At first I was just nodding my head as she spoke and not say anything as that is what I usually do when she is venting because honestly she talks louder then she should when she is talking about the paras and to say that it is awkward is an understatement!! So I am nodding and trying to hurry through the venting so I can get away..when all of a sudden I have this flash of memory of ME putting those keys in my pocket! Oh gawd....I did it again! Damn keys...I hate keys with a passion. We just do not have a good relationship..they do not like me either! They are the bane of my existence!! ( I am not being dramatic..they really are! For real!)

A struggle with my conscious ensues... should I admit that it was me that took them or let the teacher believe the para did it....

I chose the latter. Not proud..not proud at all!

I have to but a disclaimer on this***

If the maintenance guy wasn't already drilling a hole into the filing cabinet at that minute...I totally would have fessed up...really I would have! BUT since it had already progressed that far and no one even thought to ask me if I had the keys before calling the maintenance guy then well....I just let them keep thinking that it couldn't possibly have been me. Hey I can hear you judging.. but its my first year there...I have already misplaced the credit card.... ( which they still don't know yet as I am positive that it will show up ..God, do you hear me??)...I can't possibly be responsible for this too!

I know Karma is going to get me on this one... it always does!

Damn Keys!!! **shakes fist**

I'm emotionally drained now..... good night:(

The Lady Jane ( and very bad co-worker...)