Saturday, March 28, 2009

My name is Lady Jane and I am an addict....

I have a confession.... I am a full blown addict of ETSY!!

If you don't already know..ETSY is a website dedicated to buying and selling all things handmade. If you don't know about it...check it out.

I need a fix daily. Its all I can think about when I am at work and can't wait to get home and log on to browse the lovely items and read all the articles. Its a real problem people..... but since I have this addiction why not share it with everyone:)) I plan on at least once a week showcasing a few items that have caught my eye.

PURSES...let me tell ya right know...I love purses and jewelry...I mean love them!!

First up....these first two gorgeous creations are designed by Made By Hank. When you get to her shop there are more views of the purses including the inside and back. I just love them!!!!

Cute right?????

Some have commented on my blog design and wondered where I got it or if I did it myself. Well, its a big fat NO for the question "did I do it myself". Don't get me wrong I tried...but I'm loser at all things technology! Really I am!
My design is courtesy of a designer on you guessed it...ETSY.
ETSY has this great feature called ALCHEMY. On Alchemy you can post a custom piece that you would like designed and made. You type a description of you want, when you want it, and how much you would like to pay. Then other designers/artists bid on it and you pick who you ultimately want. How great is that???
I looked at all the blog design websites and if you wanted anything custom - it was extremely expensive and anything that was a pre-made..wasn't what I was looking for. So I decided to try ALCHEMY. And I had 5 bids within the first 2 hours. I ultimately picked DoLollies. She was amazing to work with...very easy!!!! I recommend her to anyone who would like to change up their blog!! Also, if you look over at my blogroll - I have her personal website on their ( she advertises that she does blog design on there) Her Blog is Actually Laura.
I hope everyone is having a great weekend and that they keep coming back here...even after my last disgusting post. Hey it was TMI Thursday..what so you expect??
The Lady Jane

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

TMI- just an innocent day at the tanner....

Welcome to TMI Thursdays!!!

Created by the very own LiLu at Go check out her site - everbody who has a site will be listed there!! (But not right now, you have to finish what you started here!)

Here goes nothing….that is except my pride – that is out the window (and across the pond and through the woods...)

Now I need to preface this story by saying I was 16. SIXTEEN…

I’m from a small town – the kind where everybody knows everybody and there was only one salon/tanner in the town. It had 4 hairstylist and two tanning beds. One of the girls I went to high school with (older then me) was the secretary. The owner was the mom of a girl that I was on the dance squad with and one of the hairstylists was my old babysitter. You getting the idea, right?

It was prom time – so of course, I need a mean fake tan. Since there are only two tanning beds in the town – you had to make an appointment- no walk-ins.

It was time for my tanning appointment and I got there on time said my “Hello’s” and made my way back to the tanner. I think I had a date later that forever running behind I decided not to use the bathroom before stripping down because, ya know, I had no time to waste!! So I get all prepped for the tanner and get in. I was laying there and jamming to the music when I felt a twinge…in my bladder.

Even though this was forever ago, this is what I am assume was going on in that pea-brain of mine.

Me thinking to myself:

Hhmmm...I can hold this...I just got in here...I have time.
A little bit later...
Seems like I have been lying here for awhile, (looked at my watch) only 5 minutes!! Damn! Ok...Ok...need to get my mind off of it. Ahhh…thinking about my date…what am I going to wear?
Mins past (so it seemed)
OK …I'll look at watch my watch - seriously time alsmost has to be up! (Look at watch). Ugh...what?! What did it do just stand still? Stupid tanner. Shit shit shit!!

At this point I couldn’t sit still, my legs were jiggling and I was starting to get really anxious and I was sweating (well that could of been from all the heat from the fake rays). OK...not many options…I could either get dressed and forfeit my time and use the ladies room or….what I ended up actually doing. Well, in my 16 year old head I thought there was no way I’m going to forfeit my time – as you remember there are only two beds in our town –they are a hot commodity – there was a waiting list for Gods Sake! So I did what I thought I had to do –

I peed in the trashcan!

Yep – I got out of the bed and squatted over the can and let loose. I can’t lie it felt great!!!!

It was after I did my business that I was like – Oh shit – what do I do now? So I took out the trash bag tied it up and then hid it between the wall and the tanner. Of course, right? Got back into the bed and relaxed and kept telling myself – that nobody will find it for awhile and they won’t link it back to me. I always wondered what they said when they came across the warm urine filled bag – that would have been a trip.
Hey the important thing is I looked great for my date that night, prom the next week, and I didn’t forfeit any of my time.

Aahhh..feels good to get that off my chest. Have a great day!!

The Lady Jane

Monday, March 23, 2009

I'd like to thank the academy...

Happy 2 week anniversary to me!!! Happy 2 week anniversary to me!!

6 posts, 9 followers, 1 award ( yep you read it right – yay!) later - I am really liking this whole blog thing!! Down side – I have spent an incredible amount of time on the Internet reading other people’s blogs, thinking about my blog, reading more of other people’s blogs!!! AAhhhhh the insanity of it all !!!!! I am seriously behind on my work, laundry, errands, hygiene ( ya know showering on the weekend) etc… the blogosphere is a very dangerous place.

Before starting my own blog – I only really read one other blog and I loved it so much that it inspired me to start my own. So it wasn’t until after I created my own blog that I started perusing other blogs that I realized what an actual real community blogging is. Even though I have only been doing this for 2 short weeks – you can really feel the love out there in the bloggy world. In a way it has truly made me view my day to day life through a different lens. Instead of just getting through the day – I am pausing and thinking about my day and the little things that usually pass me by. I like it - its refreshing, affirming, and I feel like it has recharged my life.
So thank you all – that have stopped by my blog and cared enough to comment and to also sign up as someone who wants to “follow”. Truly - I love it! It makes me so happy ( I actually do a little happy dance) when I see that there is a new comment or better yet a "follower"! Also, thank you to all you bloggers out there..I love your stories.


Just one more thing…well the whole reason for this post….THANK YOU GINA!!! Gina at gave me an award! Gina is someone that I just connected with through the blogs and its unreal how much we have in common!!

Now seriously...I need to get back..these reports won't write themselves!!!!!

The Lady Jane

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Did someone say Diamonds???

Hey here is something exciting!! Over at scarymommy - she is giving away free diamond earrings!! You read it correctly! Apparently when she switched her blog to a new host - feedburner lost all of her subscribers!! 700 of them!! Go check it out and sign up to get in the drawing. Go to!! And why you are signing up - sign up here too...I will be giving away a trip to Paris tomorrow!! Well - not really but you should sign up here!!
The Lady Jane

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Tales of Dislocation

Okay - so for a couple of posts I have promised an explanation regarding a couple of matters i.e. From March 18th's post: My heart has been broken for about 3 years now. That is when I finally came to terms that I can no longer wear high heels. *sigh* Reason why...will save for another post !!!

From March 13th's post: I usually get really drunk and there will be some extremely embarrassing moments that I still can not live down. Those stories are another post. In fact maybe I will tell one of them in the next post. ( two words...hip dislocation...)

So here it is. I am about to make myself sound like such a Grandma...but honestly I'm only like 30! But here it is... I have dislocated my hip 4 times and broke it lie! Recently had to have some major surgery on it...but I swear I am a rockin', uber awesome, fun lovin' gal..with a hip issue but still cute as hell ( at least that's what I am told!!). My hip, however, has provided me with some pretty good stories! So here is what I liketo call the tales of dislocation.

Dislocation #1:

The set-up:
New Job
I just got a new job on a statewide crisis line. It was the gig of gig's for a graduate social worker. All I had to do was sit in a room (or lay on the couch) with a couple of other people shooting the shit, readin gossip magazines, watch T.V. and surf the net. However, it started out with a bang (or a pop depending on how you look at it). It was my first day actually answering the phones. Two others were working with me and we just started watching a movie when the phone rang and one of the veterans says "Your up!!" So at that time I was sitting in a chair with my legs crossed and the phone was on the floor. I bent over to answer and "POP"..I mean a HUGE pop!! I screamed bloody murder and released several , several F bombs. It was the most mind-blowing pain I have ever had - mind you I had picked up the phone meaning there was a person "in crisis" listening on the other end as I am swearing like a sailor. Everyone freaked out..the ambulance had to be called!! It was disgusting - you could tell my hip was dislocated - I won't go into detail - just trust me. Side note - one of my co-workers who later turned out to be one my best gay guy friends started his own drama as I lay writhing in pain. He kept fanning himself and saying he was going to faint and then laid down beside me on the floor because his "knees buckled" - the ambulance people had to attend him too. He was fine - he just LOVES DRAMA.

2nd Dislocation

The set up:
Harper's Bar - 12:30am - Lansing, Michigan

Out with a huge group of friends, getting completely hammered ( as was everybody!!) and I was sitting at the table with my legs crossed...yep you guessed it ..POP! I knew immediately what happened and thanked the heavens above for all the alcohol I insulted on my body it helped to dull the excurritiating pain! It hurt like hell and I couldn't move at all for fear that I would just start screaming profanity again. Funny thing is all I did was just turn my upper body to the right and it popped out - I didn't even bend over. After dislocating it - I sat as still as I could the rest of the night with the exception of lifting my right arm to throw back shots like a champ. I didn't tell a soul at the table. I do have some pride ya know! There was no way in hell I was going to have an ambulance come in to a packed bar to get me for dislocating my hip - I would have rather died! So I sat there until closing time and then told my friends what had happened..waited for the bar to clear and the staff called the ambulance....and off to the hospital we go again. One of my friends had to leave to go to the bathroom to puke after taking one look at my dislocated hip! Whether she actually did - is questionable or maybe she was she was using it as an excuse because she drank waaaayyyy too much and had to puke anyways!! Fun times...

Dislocation 3#

Set up:
Best Friends wedding - Maid of Honor
I was practically pickled with alcohol that night and had been dancing like a mad woman in sky high heels all night while flirting with the best man ( grooms brother). All of the bridal party had hotel room's and the Best Man had the brilliant of idea of going back to the hotel room where he had more champagne to keep celebrating after the reception was over! Well - I thought he was a genius and a hottie at that so off to the hotel room we go. I won't get into details but lets just say when I woke up the next morning (wink) I for some reason did this move as though I flipped up my legs to propel my upper body up and at the same time twisting my body to get out of the bed. It was all very strange and of course I hear and feel "POP" and again a stream of profanity. Best man passed out but sat up and yelped out of shock at the my stream of profanity. Long story short...ambulance had to be called!! AAHHHH.... here is the additional comedy to the situation. One of the other bridesmaids came with me in the ambulance and she was in an extreme state of hungoverness and actually puked in the ambulance!! And while we were in the ER - the two ambulance guys came back and gave us there their phone numbers! Can you even believe - who does that?! Mind you - I had to miss brunch the next day - so my hook-up was well publicized with everyone ...including all the parents too. Oh the humiliation!

Dislocation #4
Set up:
Bridal shop: Trying on my MOH dress with the other bridesmaids and bride

We were in the dressing room together - giggling, drinking champagne ( see a theme here?) having fun and then I stepped into the dress, tripped and POP. Ugh.....ambulance came, hospital, yadda yadda.

Broken/fractured hip
Walking my dog...squirrel...snap, crackle, POP!!!

And that there folks is why I can no longer wear high heels - except for very special occasions and for a short time. When I try hip screams "NO HEELS FOR YOU" ***sigh*** can you hear my heart breaking...not my heart..geez!

The Lady Jane a.k.a the hipster

Wednesday, March 18, 2009 works

I stole the 25 random things about me from Facebook - you have to admit its a good way of telling people about yourself:))

1. I have an awful memory and that is putting it mildly.

2. I have a "dressing room". It is a room dedicated to make-up, hair, and clothes...I love it.

3. I love to organize and be organized but rarely am. I will spend an entire day organizing and have it ruined by the weekend.

4. I love books. If I can't actually read a book then I will listen to one on CD. I always have two books going at once. ( Tell me your favorite book!!!)

5. I have a very addictive personality. Ex. I will eat one food morn, noon and night until I am just plain sick of it.

6. I love "making things". Jewelry, pottery, random craft things. I love having a project. I will have a hard time focusing on anything else (see #5). My man made the basement into a makeshift studio for me - I will tell you what he is doing with his half in another post - priceless!)

.7. I do not like my birthday or celebrating it. It just reminds me I am getting older. However..birthday wishes still warm my heart.

8. I have severe obsession/addiction to all things ETSY...and have plans on opening my own shop....well..when I have enough stuff made which at this rate will be like 10 years... (**slight exaggeration**)

9. I am scared to death of sna...I can't even write it!

10. I do not like answering the phone or opening my mail...which usually gets me into some pretty bad messes.

11. In High School I was on this "all-star" dance team and we were invited to be part of Big Bill's first inauguration. We opened the inauguration ceremonies. I like to say " I have performed for Bill Clinton". Hee - get it?!

12. I wish I had a better vocabulary.

13. I am scared to have kids. I can't carry one of my own so we have to do surrogacy ( when we are ready!)

14. I get up in the morning a hour to an hour 1/2 earlier then I have to ( meaning 4am ) to have quiet time to myself. If I don't - it really throws me off.

15. I'm not a very good sleeper - I average about 4 hours a night. Maybe it is because I go to sleep with headphones on - listening to my book on CD..hhmmm...

16. Humor is my armor against life.

17. I hate the sound of knuckles cracking.

18. I have the most amazing man in my life - however- he is my complete opposite. He is everything I never knew I was looking for. ( I have to think of a codename for him - ya know to protect the innocent)

19. I am a school social worker and work in a program for severely emotionally impaired high school boys..sound fun? Whats fun is the padded room that we have for them...not kidding:)

20. I was the high school prom queen.. memories......however, I did attend a small high school but whatev's!

21. I am obsessed with Clinton and Stacy from TLC's "What Not to Wear". I just want to go shopping with them so badly...but no one answers my e-mails.

22. I am known to have "bad luck". On any given day I will have a story about a crazy thing that happened to me. Try me...

23. I love to grocery shop( well shopping in general..) and obsessively look at cookbooks.

24. My dreams in life are to have a job that I can control my hours and what days I work , take a long vacation in Europe and pay off my debt.

25. My heart has been broken for about 3 years now. That is when I finally came to terms that I can no longer wear high heels. *sigh* Reason why...will save for another post !!!

The Lady Jane..

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride...and thats all good with me

So I saw this question posted "Is 27 dresses...attainable?" on the blog Something Happened on the Way Home. spoke to me...because that movie (ya know...27 dresses) is me. When this movie came out I heard "Hey they made a movie about you!" a million zillion times! Maybe that's a slight exaggeration but it was a lot.

I have been in ...wait for it...wait for it...**drum roll** 20 weddings! Yep - 20. Only one has been a family member and my first one was when I was 18. Now there is good and bad to this.

Here's how it breaks down:

The Good:

Of share a special moment with a very special friend...yadda..yadda..

Special treatment...c'mon the bartender always gives special drinks or breaks the "no shot" rule for you!

You get a fun party dress and get to look fancier then everyone else!

The Not So Good:

I believe it is the reason as to why I am in the poor house. Bridal shower or showers, bachelorette party, gifts, dress, shoes, jewelry, hair, make-up, special unmentionables, hotel room, sometime plane tickets, possible mandatory spa day...etc... to which you as a bridesmaid have to pay for.

I truly believe that there were some weddings that I was asked to be in because they knew I was "experienced" and would make a fantastic bridesmaid and do a lot of special stuff. Uh...yeah..not me. I get worse and worse. A couple of weddings ago - I forgot to pick up my bridesmaids dress from the seamstress (had to beg for the shop to be opened to get it the day of the wedding) and then I didn't even know where the wedding was and couldn't remember the time. Those are just a couple of examples - but there is a lot more where that came from.

I usually get really drunk and there will be some extremely embarrassing moments that I still can not live down. Those stories are another post. In fact maybe I will tell one of them in the next post. ( two words...hip dislocation...)

After being in all these weddings...there are nights where I can't sleep because I am stressed out as to who will be in my wedding...what would the line up be - I mean obviously the favorite stands by me and no matter how I play it the other girls will know...yep I am that girl. Worry, worry. ( Although I know who I would want by me:)

You get a fugly dress with a fugly hairdo ( ratted hair...puke) and have to get really drunk to forget about the fugly hair and dress which leads you to those embarrassing moments that you can't live down but that make a great post...stay tuned:)

And worst of I have become accustomed to getting the special treatment at weddings and now just being a guest really sucks!! Ya know waiting in line for drinks, being the last to eat, not having first dibs at the groomsmen...

But at the end of the day...I look forward to having those girls ( well maybe 6 of them) stand by me and well of course kick ass at the bridal registry and get lots and lots of gifts. So what are your thoughts??..well that is if anyone out there starts reading this!!

Lady Jane

Sunday, March 8, 2009

My very first post: run out of gas much?

I spent a considerable amount of time thinking what my first post should be. Do I start out with an "about me", a description of what this blog is about, or a short story. I opted to tell you of a situation that happened to me recently. Its a perfect example of me and my life.

The set-up for the story:

This happened earlier this week and I had recently had surgery and was on crutches. I was also 2 hours from where I live and was in town to get some tests done.

This test was time sensitive because they first inject dye into your system and then they wait for 4 hours and then do a scan. So here I am with 4 hours to kill and I can't go home. So what do I (of course!). So off to my beloved stores I go ( which I am for sure heard my name being called in the wind) . I had a very productive which I purchased a cute pair of jeans and some jewelry. However, I have to say it is a pain in the ass to shop on crutches.

I head out to my vehicle, get in, turn it on , put it in drive...two feet and then its done. I knew then exactly what happened....ran out of gas. You might be wondering if I knew that I was low on gas and well....yeah I did. I really thought that I could go get it after I was done shopping. I should probably also tell you that in the past week and a 1/2 I have ran out of gas two other times. Yep..two...on the same day. In my defense this is a new vehicle and I have only had it a very short while and apparently when that light comes on need to get your ass to a gas station pronto. This vehicle doesn't play.

So back to my dilemma. Let me recap. I am in a parking lot, which is actually pretty empty, on crutches, away from home, and have this time-sensitive radioactive dye in me and need to get to the hospital across town - like Now! Most people would might be panicking about now, but you see I am use to these situations. it is not something I am proud of but my poor decision making ends me up in a lot of bad situations. So I am sitting there trying to way out my options and am starting to see I don't have many.

Walk to gas station? Answer: No - on crutches and way too far.

Call a friend or my boyfriend? Answer: No - 2 hours away ( no good..only 1/2 hour until scan)

Maybe a friendly stranger in parking lot will drive me over? Answer: looking around pleadingly and see no friendly faces.

Triple a - you may ask. Answer : Nope

Uh, I am starting to get worried. I thought "what do people do when they are in trouble?" call the POLICE!! That's the ticket. I phoned the police - a nice lady answers. I explained the situation and she stated that she will send someone over. Phew!! I was going to be saved.
Then I waited and waited and waited. Phoned hospital - asked how long the dye is good for. They gave me an additional 1/2 hour.
and what do I see in the distance...a police car!! He pulls up , rolls down his window and stares at me, says nothing. **awkward**
I start babbling about my situation. He says nothing for the moment and then says "they said there was a women in the parking lot that couldn't walk" about only giving half of the information.
At this moment - let me describe him.... well basically he looked like the blond guy from Reno 911 and he wore his dark sunglasses the whole time ( it wasn't sunny people..)

me: I really am in a bad spot and I really need to get to my appointment. I have this time-sensitive scan because they injected this dye into me and I can't walk to get gas ( look down at my crutches).

Officer Reno: I don't usually take money.
me: silently thinking, huh?
Officer Reno seeing my confusion: "You can give me money and I can go get the gas for you."
me: "I only have my debit and credit card, no cash. Sorry"
I started babbling again.
Officer Reno: "My boss says that I can't transport anyone". Then stares at me..silence ensues....
me: "I don't know what to do then." With my puppy dog eyes
**Silence** ( this an extremely awkward conversation!!)

Officer Reno: again " I can't transport".
me: "well, do you have any other ideas?"....start to babble
Officer Reno: cuts me off "the back seats are hard, I don't think you can get into them."
me: "Don't worry - I'm desperate..I'll make it work someway."
Officer Reno: says nothing...more silence. No movement to open door.
me: " I would really appreciate it....I'm already late..I can..."
Officer Reno: "The seats are really hard."
me: doing everything in my power not to slam my head against my car.
more silence and staring which seems like forever....
Officer Reno lets me into his car. He's right the back seats are hard and plastic but I made it in.
me: thanking him profusely for taking me and helping me.
Officer Reno: "Why are you shopping if you are having surgery today?"
me: HUH??(in my head) I explain to him that I am not having surgery and that it is scan. However, he makes remarks to me having "surgery" a couple more times during our time together. We get gas, he takes me back to my car, and I make it to my appointment without a minute to spare.

That is me...always trippin' through life, but somehow, someway I land on my feet. Well, most of the time.
Hopefully - I will figure out how to customize my page...that shouldn't be too hard. ( yeah, right)

Lady Jane