What in the world????

Hey Everyone!!!!

There sure has been a lot of poop/gas/burp talk on here lately so I am not going to talk about any of that today.

You don't have to thank me....because the following might make somepeople feel a little ill.

I was engaging in one of my favorite pastimes....browsing on ETSY...sigh...me love.

Not everything on the site is beautiful and fantastic...there is definitely some questionable items but I came across one shop that I just HAD to post about.

No...I will not put the name of it. Its bad enough I'm posting pics of her creativity with nasty comments. I'm not going to completely throw her under the bus. Not my style...

So with my heart full of joy and looking for a gift to buy for myself ( its been a hard summer so far...but you already know that)

I stopped dead in my Internet surfing tracks when I came across this shop.

I think why it stood out so much to me, is that people actually bought this stuff and posted feedback on how much they liked it and couldn't wait to wear it to a bridal shower/party/or date night. Hmmmm. ... is all I have to say.

OK, OK...I will get on with the pics!

First up...

front

back

I don't think this dress above will do anything for your hips...just sayin'

2nd pic... Btw..the italicized blurb under the pic is what the designer wrote about the dress

this dress has a pleated bust made of yellow satin to represent the sun, the bodice is made of light blue satin to represent the sky and is quilted with flowers and has some yo yo flowers attached, the belt is green satin to represent the grass and is also quilted, the skirt is brown satin to represent the soil. This dress is a halter and is a size 10.

Sorry ladies, the above dress has been sold:(

3rd pic...

front

Back

The lady who bought the above dress said she was wearing it to a baby shower.
A BABY SHOWER??? Who wears something like this to a baby shower??

4th pic....

this is a very comfy and soft dress, it is a size 16. This pattern has won an award and is very original(see one of my other listings called the cross dress).

I have to question the award that this dress apparently won...Hmmm...

5th pic....and My FAVORITE!!!

Just like the movie 27 dresses, what would you do if you had to have 18 bridesmaid dresses hemmed?, sew them all to one dress of course! this is a size 10 dress

UM....NO!!!

I have been in 20 weddings and I would NEVER sew them all together. "Of course" ?? sheesh

However....

If I'm wrong and there is some of you that like these dresses and you want to purchase one for yourself.....

Well,

Your on your own!!!!

Love ya Sweets!!

The Lady Jane

TMI Thursday: the bedside commode

Hey everyone!!!! Happy TMI THURSDAY!!

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

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I know it has been a long time..2 weeks I think! If you remember from my last post I was in the hospital due to my leg and I actually ended up being in there for awhile ( IV antibiotics..the reason).

Well I was in there long enough to have another roommate...

I got Jean 2.0

Jean left and I did a little dance of joy as I had the whole room to myself. However, I was quickly assured by the nursing staff that the bed would probably be filled by the end of the day due to the hospital being at its capacity and the ER being full.

Sigh.. but I had high hopes for next my roommate...I mean she couldn't be as annoying as Jean.

Right? WRONG!!

Her name was Glenda.

Glenda was very nice, however, if I dare to say way GROSSER than Jean.

Glenda was in her mid 40s and had come to the hospital for stomach pains...I'm sure you can see where this is going.

There is sooo much I could write about Glenda and her antics but I will just tell ya of the **highlights** of her stay.

On her first night she had to drink this nasty stuff called "Go-Lightly" for her colonoscopy. I can attest to the fact that it is beyond disgusting but it is doable and I didn't think that the drama that ensued that night was all necessary but whatevs..

"Go Lightly" plain and simple is to make you shit and clear you out completely for the test. ( The name is totally ironic..ha ha)

Glenda was extremely over weight and because of this she said it was very difficult to get out of bed very fast and she was afraid of not making it to the bathroom...when I heard this I wanted to scream because I knew what this meant...

a COMMODE!!!!

Ugh...come on! Seriously people HER bed is right next to the bathroom. The commode sat right next to the door of the bathroom. She would have only had to walk like 3 more feet and BAM she is there, but Noooooo she got the bedside commode!

So for the whole night (7pm until 9am to be exact) I was treated with crying and hysterics about the fact that she "could not drink anymore of this shit and that it was too nasty". ( shit being a theme, I guess)
Several nurses had to come in and give her pep talks which then led into threatening because Glenda started refusing to drink anymore...

As soon as you start drinking this stuff you start pooping and lord have mercy did she ever!!!

There was only a curtain between us and I swear all the farting, shitting, squirting was about enough to make me puke but what was WAY worse was the smell!! OMG the smell!

My room stank so bad! I had my nose covered with the sheet and I was putting my good smelling lip gloss under my nose. Finally the nurses had to come in about every hour 1/2 to spray down the room. Which then just made it smell like pine -sol and shit.

So this went on all night!

When the nurses came to empty the contents...they had to flush the toilet 10 times to get it all down.

Yes...I counted the flushes.

There wasn't much to do. I also took notes on my iphone and I recorded Glenda talking and groaning to herself ( she did this a ton) ...but I have no idea how to upload it on here. Sorry...

Anyways, Glenda went for her test the next day and I THOUGHT that it would be the last of the bedside commode...um no.

She wanted to keep it because now her knee was bothering her. I thought I was going to SCREAM!!! The worst was is that the next day was my birthday and I knew I was going to have a lot of visitors.

Awkward...especially when it was the Duke's brother and dad there! Sheesh!

She didn't go poop WHILE they were there, but she did puke. and well...there were noises.

And yes...the room still stank.

The best part (or worst) was the night after her test and she was out of her bed and started to walk when "shit just fell from her ass unto the floor." I put this in quotes because this is exactly what she told the nurses.

Oh yes...you read it correctly. She poo poo'd on the floor.

Apparently my lovely readers when the "SHIT JUST FELL FROM HER ASS!" ...she stepped in it too. Lovely...just lovely.

Yep... stepped in the shit.

Ya know what...she didn't even shower until late the next day!!!

She thought this was freakin' hilarious! I swear she called everyone she knew to tell them about it.

That was the other thing she was on the phone 24 -7.

Over the course of my life I have been in the hospital several times ( posts for another time) but these roommates are definitely at the top of my "roommates from hell" list. Yeah, I have a list...what of it???

I swear these posts don't even began to do these women justice because I cannot adequately describe them and how annoying they really were.

I have incredible patience and empathy too...but these two were just plain rude. I know you don't feel good...I've been there, but couldn't there have been an excuse me or an I'm sorry. Those little words sometimes make a big difference.

So to all of you out there in bloggy world...if you ever have to share a hospital room and you need to poop in a commode or you have incredibly horrible gas. Some sort of acknowledgement to your roommate about it and that your sorry that she has to be in the room with you at least lets the roommate know that you recognize the fact that its a bad situation.

I apologize when I have gas...just sayin'.

Not saying that a sick person has to apologize for being sick....but...well it would have made me feel less angry and annoyed.

Oh and BTW...the result of her test...she has bad gas.

Yeah...I could have told ya that!

THE LADY JANE

Seriously...this is my 4th of July?

Well....I'm in the hospital due to getting an infection in my infamous leg wound. BOO!! I have to stay here until it clears up. Which sucks because obviously its 4th of July weekend and we were going away but its also my birthday Monday. Sheesh

Karma has also made little visit to me. Her name is Jeanne.

If you remember ( well, really how could you forget!) in my last post I told you that I was a horrible person to sit next to on the plane..click here to refresh your memory.

Well...Karma came and bit me in the ass. It is so true the saying "what you put out in this world you get back tri-fold." or something like that.

I am sharing my hospital room with a woman named Jeanne who is horribly annoying! I feel bad saying that but its the truth. Within the first hour of the Duke and I being in this room...he turned and looked at me and said "I think you definitely have your next blog post!" and boy was he right. Whats funny is that the next day the Duke brought me the laptop ...just to make sure I would do the blog post while it was all fresh in my mind!

However, as I sit here I am struggling with how I can accurately describe her. I feel like it might be one of those times where you have to see it ( or hear it) to believe it, but I will do my best.

To start off... it is NEVER, EVER quiet! EVER!

Right now I am listening to her in the bathroom...I know gross...its not like I am listening to her dropping a gift to the toilet god...I'm listening to her groaning VERY loudly and muttering to herself about how good it feels. Yep...that's how it is every time she goes to the bathroom and she goes in there a lot. However, most of the time her commentary in the bathroom consists of her complaining she can't go.

So now that we all know that she is loud in the bathroom...she is also loud just lying in bed.

It is a C.O.N.S.T.A.N.T stream of groaning, sighing, burping, farting, and snoring. I mean CONSTANT...it never ends. I can't even hold a conversation with the Duke when he is here. Its way too distracting and lets face it...funny.

Picture it...

Duke sitting at my bedside telling me how much he loves me and then there is a series of the most disgusting burps coming from the other side of the curtain...there is never an "excuse me" or she never goes to the bathroom to try to excuse herself. Oh no...she sits on the edge of her bed ...closest to me...and slaps herself on her stomach literally to burp herself. Over and over.

Right now she is swearing at the Ivac machine telling it to "shut the hell up" because it is beeping. Funny thing...she used to be a nurse here about 5 yers ago, she is retired now, so why she doesn't push the hold button to stop it beeping I will never know...she doesn't respond well to suggestions.

She swears at other people's Ivac machines for going off when they are down the hall. She mimics (very rudely) people who are talking in the hallway or after doctor/nurses have just left her. Occasionally she has thrown a couple of things i.e. at the TV after she accidentally turned it on but couldn't shut it off ( turns out she was sitting on the remote). Good times...

She does NOT tie her gown in the back. It "chokes her". Which that is ever so lovely...I think it may have scarred the Duke...poor guy. She also lays on the bed with her legs open and no covers and you have to pass by her on your way to me or I have to pass by her on the way to the bathroom. I thought about getting pics...but thought that might be too much to handle. However, if I could find a way to record her that would be AWESOME! Seriously.

When she is not swearing, burping, farting, or throwing things she will lay there and just LOUDLY sigh and grunt...continuously. I seriously need a recorder!!

Uh oh...the nurse just came in and said to her that the Doc ordered her an enema...and they are going to do it right now. AHHHH......I am going to stay on here so I can give you a play by play.

Hey what other blog ...can you get a play by play of an Enema...I'm pretty sure that its just here. Could this be my claim to fame??....hmmmm...

Nurse is getting on her gloves....
they are going to do it the bathroom...
Nurse just said " I hope I don't get any on your undies..." "Its usually little messy"
Jeanne " Its leaking already, dammit"
Nurse " Go get over the toilet"
Jeanne " lots of grunts, and ahhh's"

apparently Jeanne needs a new pair of undies...Nurse going to get some.

More groaning...lots of loud groaning...

I'm ending here...you don't even want to know...

Can' t believe I just did a recap of Enema...that's where I am at people!!

Right now...she must not like the TV show I have on..BTW...its a person singing on the TODAY show. She just did her own rude rendition of the song and then said " Get me out of this insane asylum"

Awesome, just awesome!!

Seriously, who else is going to have this much fun for their 4th of July.

THE LADY JANE